No, that would probably be a terrible way to market this (even though it's true!). And no, this isn't your Father's TALES FROM THE CRYPT 1995.

This is your Grandfather's TALES FROM THE CRYPT 1972. Made 40 years ago, that means the beautiful 20 somethings in this movie are all 60 somethings if they're still alive!

Starting with a credit opening of various shots of a graveyard and the accompaning tombstones, we eventually wind up inside a cavernous crypt as part of a tour. The tour guide offers a little bit of history and then warns everyone to stay close on the next leg of the tour as it is easy to get lost. Five of the people on this tour don't take the advice as seriously as they should and wind up trapped in another room. There they meet the Cryptkeeper (Sir Ralph Richardson: TIME BANDITS, DRAGONSLAYER). He encourages them to have a seat as all of their questions will be answered in good time.

"In. Good. Time."

The movie being CHILDREN OF MEN, directed by Alfonso Cuarón (HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN) and written by Mr. Cuaron, Timothy J. Sexton, David Arata, Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby and based on the book by P.D. James.

The story begins in London in the year 2027. Theo (Clive Owen: SIN CITY) is getting his morning coffee. The coffee shop TV broadcasts a news bulletin that the world's youngest person has been knifed to death by a crazed fan. We quickly learn that about 18 years ago, for some unknown reason, every woman on Earth became infertile. No children have been born since then and humanity is heading for extinction.

Though Big Adventure was a roccoco confection of comedic film making, it also made an innocent satirical statement on the American lifestyle. It was accusatory without condemnation and remains a cult fan favorite.

Then came BEETLEJUICE, another innocent comedy that was just as funky and offbeat as Big Adventure but with a decidely darker theme. As a comedy it garnered both critical acclaim and audience appeal. Even more, despite its big box office, it has endured as a cult fan favorite and marked Tim Burton as a Director in tune with the Goth fashion of the Industrial nations, as well as those who like Industrial music in the . . . uh . . . anyway.

When Tim Burton brought EDWARD SCISSORHANDS to the table, he did so with the kind of success behind him that allowed complete control over the project. More than any feature length film before, EDWARD SCISSORHANDS was entirely under Burton's command. The studio bosses couldn't even begin to fathom Burton's appeal or what made it click with audiences. They were more than happy to let the goose create his own gold.

I'm not uncomfortable with this novel, and I don't know why you should be. Yes, there's sex. Sex and sex and more sex. But what true content does companionship bear when it cannot be shared between consenting adults, fairies, elves, rabbits, and dolls? Hmmm? Judge not...

The story. Yes. There's a story here. In the beginning Santa is doing what Santa's do best. He's delivering toys. Coincidentally, a child places a lost tooth beneath her pillow on Christmas Eve. This sets the stage for a Santa/Tooth Fairy meeting fraught with sexual tension. Sex toys for everyone, kiddies!

Continued at Feo Amante/ Santa Steps Out.

Pop makes it back home just in time for Christmas and gives his son, Billy (Zach Galligan: WAXWORK, GREMLINS 2), the Mogwai. Billy's Mom (Francis Lee McCain: SCREAM) doesn't know what to think of it, and neither does the family dog. Billy names his Mogwai, "Gizmo" (voiced by Howie Mandel: LITTLE MONSTERS, GREMLINS 2), because the little varmint has a thing for mechanical stuff. Then Pop remembers; the Mogwai requires very specific rules.
1. Don't expose it to bright light.
2. Don't get it wet.
3. Don't feed it after midnight.

Do I need to say it? Of course all of these rules will be broken.

Continued at Feo Amante/ Gremlins.

In this film written by Roy Moore (THE LAST CHASE), a sorority house at an unnamed university receives a series of prank phone calls. The girls first refer to the caller as "the moaner," and he delivers a string of obscene phrases that they don't really take seriously. Then, in his most recent calls, there are the screams and gasps of a woman in the background . . .

Also of note is the first person POV of the killer. As he is climbing a trellis and peering through windows early in the film, the viewer is looking directly through his eyes. He then enters the house through an upstairs window and lurks in the attic for some time, descending only for the occasional murder. Later in the film, we watch first-hand as he goes into a brief rage and tears up the attic, and then slowly rocks a corpse in a rocking chair.

Clare Harrison (Lynne Griffin: CURTAINS) becomes the first victim, and when nobody can account for her whereabouts, a 13-year-old girl also turns up missing. A search is begun, but meanwhile the killer continues to stalk the other girls.

Continued at Feo Amante/ Black Christmas.

STAVE ONE.
MARLEY'S GHOST.

Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it: and Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

Scrooge knew he was dead? Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? Scrooge and he were partners for I don't know how many years. Scrooge was his sole executor, his sole administrator, his sole assign, his sole residuary legatee, his sole friend, and sole mourner. And even Scrooge was not so dreadfully cut up by the sad event, but that he was an excellent man of business on the very day of the funeral, and solemnised it with an undoubted bargain.

The mention of Marley's funeral brings me back to the point I started from. There is no doubt that Marley was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate.

Continued at Gutenberg.org.