TERROR TRAIN

		Review by E.C. McMullen Jr.
TERROR TRAIN - 1980 USA Release: Oct. 3, 1980 Astral Bellevue Pathé, Triple T Productions, Twentieth Century Fox Rating: USA: R

Harold Greenberg: "Jamie Lee Curtis! Oh wow! It's a pleasure to meet you! And you're gonna love our upcoming movie!"

Jamie Lee Curtis: "I haven't read it yet. What's the genre?"

Daniel Grodnik: "It's a Horror movie, Jamie! Right up your alley!"

Jamie Lee Curtis: "Starts off in the past. Something terrible happens to a kid. They wind up in an insane asylum, come back any number of years later and go on a murderous stabbing spree?"

Harold and Daniel sit in flabbergasted silence. Then -

Harold Greenberg: "Wow! Exactly! That's amazing! You're amazing, Jamie!"

Daniel Grodnik: "Yes! I want it to be Halloween on a train! And you figured it all out without reading it?"

Jamie Lee Curtis: "It's every movie I ever made."

I wasn't there so that's just off the top of my head, mind you. But considering that 22 year-old Jamie left Horror movies at the height of her Scream Queen monarchy shortly after this, it wouldn't surprise me that the conversation went something like that.

TERROR TRAIN's opening "Gotcha" scene is a clutch of Sigma Phi frat boys egging an initiate, Kenny Hampson (Derek McKinnon) to do the dirty with Sorority sister Alana (Jamie Lee Curtis: HALLOWEEN, THE FOG, PROM NIGHT, ROAD GAMES, HALLOWEEN II, HALLOWEEN III, HALLOWEEN H2O, VIRUS, HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION, VERONICA MARS, SCREAM QUEENS [TV], HALLOWEEN [2018], KNIVES OUT, HALLOWEEN KILLS).

The Sorority bros. giving the push are,

Doc (Hart Bochner: DIE HARD, APT 0, TEACH 109, COMPLEX OF FEAR, BREAK UP, URBAN LEGENDS: FINAL CUT),
Mo (Timothy Webber: MURDER IN SPACE, NOWHERE TO HIDE, MILLENNIUM, MIDNIGHT MATINEE, IMPOLITE, CYPHER, VIRTUALITY, WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES, ONCE UPON A TIME [TV], THE EXORCIST [TV], A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS [TV]),
Jackson (Anthony Sherwood: THE AGENCY, DEATH SHIP, SCANNERS, ETERNAL EVIL, THE VINDICATOR, HOSTILE TAKEOVER, DEADBOLT, CLOSER AND CLOSER), and the hideously unfunny class clown,
Ed (Howard Busang: KILLER PARTY).

Besides Alana, the only other sorority sister working on this prank is Alana's best friend, Mitchy (Sandee Currie: CURTAINS, TERMINAL CHOICE), who practically has to usher Kenny into the bedroom trap with signal flags.

The hoax is sprung on Kenny and merry mishaps occur while the frat boys laugh.

Three Years Later -

The frat bros and sore sisters are in high spirits as they leave a party bus on New Year's Eve. A private train is waiting for them, courtesy of frat bro, Doc.

For those involved with Kenny's horrible plight, they are heading toward their last semester, their lambskin, and a bright future in medicine.

In the depot, the train conductor, Carne (Ben Johnson: MIGHTY JOE YOUNG [1949], LOCUSTS, THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN, THE SWARM, TRESPASSES, CHERRY 2000, DARK BEFORE DAWN), has a last dance with the wheelchair bound dispatcher before he boards Private train 1881 with a final "All aboard!"

Only we, the audience, realize the killings have already begun.

Though Executive Producer Daniel Grodnik did much of the producer work on TERROR TRAIN, including asking his then friend, John Carpenter if it was okay to do it, Canadian tax shelters being what they were and, to a large extent, what they are, Daniel had to take the powerless title of Executive Producer and have Canadian citizen, Harold Greenberg hold the In-Charge title of Producer. This even though Grodnik had done everything a producer would do.

The last minute addition of David Copperfield was investor Sandy Howard (GAMMERA THE INVINCIBLE, THE NEPTUNE FACTOR, THE DEVIL'S RAIN, EMBRYO, THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU [1977], METEOR, SAVAGE HARVEST, WHAT WAITS BELOW, BLUE MONKEY)'s idea as he was into magic and thought the script was a little thin.

If Sandy's name isn't familiar to you, he was a director and producer along the lines of Charles Band, though not nearly as prolific. But like Charles Band, Sandy would sometimes blindly stumble into a hit movie despite his best intentions.

Also look for the then Pre-Prince protégé Vanity (52 PICK-UP, NEON CITY) as Merry, and listed by the name, D.D. Winters (though her real name was Denise Katherine Matthews).

True to Daniel Grodnik's intentions, TERROR TRAIN plays out like HALLOWEEN on a train, including the red herrings, a seemingly indestructible (and when you discover the killer, seemingly improbable!) slasher, and a train conductor to replace Dr. Loomis.

Once again an ending that... well, never mind. I'm not about spoilers and besides, this is another in a long line of 1980s Horror movies huffing the fumes of HALLOWEEN, so, you know the drill.

John Carpenter's HALLOWEEN, which John himself said was originally intended to be a sequel to BLACK CHRISTMAS, and John also asked Director Bob Clark for his blessing, had plenty of inventive layers of twists and surprises that makes HALLOWEEN a creative stand-apart from its original source material.

Unfortunately, under the umbrella of Daniel Grodnick, Howard Greenberg, and Sandy Howard, and the Direction of a fresh-faced Roger Spottiswoode, all TERROR TRAIN has is a choo-choo.

Entertaining yet forgettable, TERROR TRAIN gets 3 barely earned Shriek Girls as David Copperfield really did give the movie a much needed lift.

This review copyright 2022 E.C.McMullen Jr.

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