THE MASTERS of TERROR /
KEENE / CABALCON 2000

Oh hell, I'll just call it
THE GATHERING 2000
Brian Keene's Apt. and Mark Lancaster's House, Cockeysville, Maryland, USA

About 4 hours after I fell asleep I woke up and, with everyone else asleep, I started reading Brian's books. I fell upon Tim Lebbon's WHITE and was instantly captured by the story as everyone who has ever read it is wont to do.

Eventually the house woke up.

I helped Brian clean up a bit by gathering some of the garbage and tossing it into the dumpster outside. That is when I discovered that a gathering of bees had started their nest there sometime during the night and considered my actions of throwing garbage on top of them both rude and offensive. They sent a crack suicide squadron of bees after me which allowed me to enjoy a short but brisk run through the sultry air of a Maryland morning.

Eventually I escaped unstung. I made my way back to the house where I shit, showered, and shaved. The house was ready to go into Baltimore in search of the tomb of Edgar Allen Poe and the best damn crab cakes in the world.

Brian Keene knocked me out of the ballpark when he convinced me to try the great crabcakes in Baltimore. I mean "crabcakes"!
Big freakin' deal!
Ohhhh . . . . MAN! You've never ate until you've tried the crabcakes like they serve in Baltimore! Those restaurants need to be EVERYWHERE! Its worth going back to Baltimore again just to have a lunch and dinner of crabcakes! I'm not kidding!

Our story begins. DAY 3

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AHH . . . THE PROBLEMS OF INFLUENCE
Major Laymon fan and good friend of Geoff Cooper, Rick Williams, gets into BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR (Brian had these movies playing all weekend, his Personal collection!) while his hero, Dick Laymon autographs still more books.
Rick's left leg was horribly scarred in a tattoo accident.
Never drink and draw, kids!

PHOTO BY MARK LANCASTER

EUREKA! AN EPIPHANY!
It is now after Midnight, making it DAY 3.
Mark Lancaster is amazed to learn the difference between Pilsner and Stout beers.

PHOTO BY JUDI ROHRIG

ALIENS REVEALED!
No sooner does Brian pass out, dressed in his Budweiser jammies, than the insidious aliens in the guise of Linda Addison and Gerard Hourarner get caught on film trying to eat his BRAINS!
This is a photo of two aliens starving. Notice their happy expressions. They're pulling all that alcohol out of Brian's head. Brian woke soon after, totally sober, and was able to put away another 6 pack before passing out again.

PHOTO BY KELLY LAYMON

GOOD MORNING!
While Kelly's eyes glow with demonic anger over having been dragged back to the house, Eoghain practices
his Alfred E. Newman grin for the camera.

PHOTO BY ANN LAYMON

FOR CHRIST SAKES! DON'T TAKE MY PICTURE WITH FEO!
The lovely Kelly Laymon is caught in a moment of shame, sandwiched between Mike Oliveri (Bell, Book, and Beyond) and that fiend who leans into the photo at the last minute, me!

PHOTO BY ANN LAYMON

ANYBODY WANT A CLEAN SHIRT?
Vince raises his hand much to the chagrin of Sheri. Mike, having anticipated this move, merely holds his breath.

PHOTO BY KELLY LAYMON

THE ALIENS GOT TO ANN IN THE NIGHT!
Now Ann Laymon is one of THEM!
Kelly and Richard love her anyway, and don't even seem to notice her antennas.

PHOTO BY MARK LANCASTER

IT'S FEOMAN!
Yes! It's FEOMAN and his faithful sidekick KIMONO GIRL!
They are off to do dastardly deeds of the utmost daring!
SEE: FEOMAN get himself into foolish predicaments!
SEE: KIMONO GIRL encourage FEOMAN's worst behavior!
SEE: Yourself paying $6 bucks for 10 cents worth of popcorn!
You shall be cast out from your peers if you don't see
FEOMAN!

PHOTO BY JUDI ROHRIG

I HAVE AN EXCUSE IF YOU'LL LISTEN . . .
So I drive clear across the country to visit the grave of Edgar Allen Poe (among other things). Have you ever seen the first Vacation movie with Chevy Chase? Remember how he drives his whole family across the country to visit WALLY WORLD, only to find that WALLY WORLD is closed for maintenance ("The moose should have told ya!"). Well they had the gates locked to the tomb of Edgar Allen Poe. I had waited ALL MY LIFE to visit this grave! And now I'm supposed to just . . . just . . . turn around and go all the way back home???
So Brian scaled the wall, then I scaled the wall;
BROTHERS IN ARMS!
Then Brian chickened out.
In this photo I'm looking at Kelly Laymon aka KIMONO GIRL who is encouraging me to "Go For It, Feo!"
Brian Keene, meanwhile, is telling me "Don't do it! You'll go to jail!"
Decisions, decisions, which is the voice of reason?

PHOTO BY ANN LAYMON

PHOTO BY ANN LAYMON

PHOTO BY SHERI WHITE

THE TOMB OF EDGAR AND FAMILY
The right wall of Edgar's tomb, facing the street.
Maria Poe Clemm is buried with Edgar.
Now accessorized.

PHOTO BY ANN LAYMON

BUT WHY WAS IT DONE?
In France rests the grave and headstone of Jim Morrison. Through the years it has been defaced both with paint and from pieces chipped away by "fans".
My cards however, damage nothing. They are as temporary as life. In this way I pay my respects to Edgar: In deference to his memory, I'm carrying the torch in my very minor way.
Like any good visitor, I leave my calling card. Without damaging the home of my host.

PHOTO BY ANN LAYMON

PHOTO BY ANN LAYMON

AIN'T WE JUST THE CUTEST THANGS?
Kneeling in the front row is, left to right
Gerard Houraner, Sarah Keddrell, Brian Keene, Linda Addison, and Danial Harms.
Standing in the 2nd row is
Richard Laymon, Eoghain O'Keefe, Sheri White, Kelly Laymon, Ann Laymon, Judi Rohrig and me.
Back row is
Mike Oliveri, Melissa Oliveri, Mark Lancaster, and Jane Letty.

PHOTO BY

LINDA ADDISON, JUDI ROHRIG, AND FEO AMANTE

TOO FUNNY!
Right after an incredible lunch where we feasted on Out Of This World CRAB CAKES, it began to rain.
Then it came down harder. Then the weather figured, "Oh what the hell?" and just turned the bay upside down on us to save time.
Here Me, Sarah Keddrell, Brian Keene, and Kelly Laymon enjoy Jane Letty's impersonation of "Roseanne"

PHOTO BY JUDI ROHRIG

Other reports on The Gathering

SORDID HIGHLIGHTS OF THE MoT USA GATHERING - KEENECON -
KEENECON 2000 - MASTERS OF TERROR / KEENECON