CRAP MOVIES 7

GALAXIS

First, this movie starts with plenty of voice over narration while we stare at... pretty much nothing. The narrator is a King or Lord or a Lord King and he has this all powerful crystal.

Then we see spaceship fighting action and let me pause here because the special effects are awful.

Just terrible amateur hour and the cinematography by the usually good Robert C. New (PROM NIGHT, NIGHT OF THE CREEPS, IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE II, DEMON HUNTER) is the death stroke. In fact, GALAXIS seems to be the career downturn that he never recovered from.

This is unusual because GALAXIS is Produced and Directed by William Mesa who, as an SFX artist, has a decent portfolio and some of the titles are in our world: DARKMAN, ARMY OF DARKNESS, NEW NIGHTMARE, DEEP BLUE SEA, DARK WATER (2005), THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL (2008), CLASH OF THE TITANS (2010). In fact, it's those two Sam Raimi movies that got him in tight enough with Sam that he acts in this movie.

Yes, like he did in John Landis' INNOCENT BLOOD, Sam is here to act NOT WELL!

Another SFX artist, Nick Davis, wrote this and his Effects portfolio isn't bad either: NEW NIGHTMARE, BATMAN FOREVER, BATMAN AND ROBIN, HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE, HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS, THE DARK KNIGHT, CLASH OF THE TITANS (2010), WRATH OF THE TITANS, EDGE OF TOMORROW.

This was William and Nick's 3rd movie together and by movie number three one thing becomes apparent: Bill isn't a Director and Nick isn't a writer.

Richard Moll plays bad guy Kyla and with a good director Richard can act. He's never won any awards but he was one of the best things about Night Court as well as HOUSE.

The hero of this movie is Brigitte Nelson (RED SONJA) as Ladera and, well, her career speaks for itself so no point in beating that dead horse.

Even so, Ladera's supposed to be the heroine, savior, and all that other kick-ass stuff in the movie. Yet everytime she has the chance to go all Bobbie Bad Ass, she meekly surrenders to pretty much anyone telling her "Put your hands up!" "Sit your ass down!" "Gimmie the Crystal!"

EGAD!

Roger Aaron Brown (THE CRAZIES [1973], STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE, NEAR DARK, ALIEN NATION, ROBOCOP 2, MANIAC COP 2, DNA) is Detective Carter and he can act well regardless of the director or even the writer.

The aliens all go to earth for no apparent reason (Their War Will Be Here!) and this is where the rest of GALAXIS eventually shifts to the point where Roger Aaron Brown is practically carrying this whole farce on his shoulders. Yet the script gives him nowhere to go, leaving him to become an angered yelling nincompoop in the face of so much adversity and pathetic storyline.

Cindy Morgan (TRON) is Detective Kelly, the kind of actor who really needs a good writer and director.

Meanwhile every good guy alien character gets a melodramatic speech, usually as they die, about the Good Old Days and how the Future must be protected.

Meanwhile, Moll plays his sadistic character at a snickering Snidely Whiplash level about five IQ points beneath a salty slug. Seriously, how hard could it be to defeat this numbskull? Especially when yall had the all-important, all powerful Crystal?

Kyyla disappears for large chunks of time, possibly busy on some other job. To keep his character going when he couldn't play it, is where low level mobster, Victor Menendez (Fred Asparagus) is grafted into the story to fill in.

You know, if these were ten and twelve year old kids, like something out of Bugsy Malone or Son Of Rambow, it would have been significantly more entertaining.

As it is, watching 30 and 50-something adults deliver their lines as if they were 10 and twelve year old kids is embarrassingly sappy beyond belief.

By the end of the movie I still couldn't figure out how the evilly cackling Kyra would even need the Crystal. He's already capable of destroying the inhabitants and military of entire solar systems (Solar Systems!) and all who stand in his way without the freaking Crystal.

Pass me that pillow, please, GALAXIS is Nyquil.

The Hook:
Sam Raimi is in it! And Richard Moll from Night Court!