HEADLINES - LAMPOON NEWS
BRINGING YOU THE MOST HORRIBLE NEWS SINCE 1999, -
ALL FROM THE MIND OF FEO AMANTE. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
NEWS ITEMS BELOW THE HEADLINES ARE NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. IF YOU INSIST ON TAKING THEM SERIOUSLY, THEN YOU ARE JUST AN IDIOT.
HORRIBLE NEWS ARTICLE
REAL HEADLINES - LAMPOON NEWS
SEPTEMBER 20, 2002
First, a caveat: I read the below headline at abcnews.com and wrote a brief joke about the headline which had little to do with the actual story. But then I became intrigued with the idea presented by John Walters. What he told the press flew in the face of years and hundreds of tests made by top Universities around the world. What new research came out to disprove all of that and where are the tests duplicated by other researchers and verified? It was an intriguing notion to think that new technologies or new discoveries were made that turned old research on its head. So I checked out all the links on the pages of the Office of National Drug Control Policy, which represents itself at mediacampaign.com. What I actually discovered while trying to track down the truth, was instead a dead end play of smoke and mirrors. The rest speaks for itself.
OFFICIAL WARNS OF TEEN POT USE
Meanwhile, U.S. Surgeon General Richard Carmona extoled the virtues of cigarette smoking, saying. "...marijuana contains three to five times more tar and carbon monoxide than a comparable amount of tobacco."
Walters government site, http://www.mediacampaign.org/marijuana/kids
and marijuana.html, makes the claim that the latest research shows
that marijuana is actually addictive. If you click on the link, you get
moved to another link on the same page. That second link will take you
When I went there today I got the following message in both IE and Netscape
So I go back to the previous page. The
site goes on to state (in the same sentence) "In fact, more kids
enter treatment each year for marijuana than for all other illicit drugs
combined." It provides a link for you to click and when you do, you
once again get directed to another part of the same page which states,
very next statement says the following:
Its a fact that juvenile courts, to get convictions like their adult cousins, have prosecutors agree to persue lesser charges. So though the following might seem an rhetorical question: how many well-heeled juveniles have had their crack house operations, prostitution rackets, rapes and thefts - their actual crimes - brought down to lesser charges of marijuana possession, i.e., events that never happened in the first place? While no one keeps a statistical record of this (to the best of my knowledge), we know from experience and numerous news reports that this kind of thing happens all the time.
MediaCampaign ought to be ashamed for their outright tub thumping and ignorance. All of their outraged claims are suspect, not followed-up by evidence, or come from questionable sources.
before you click on the link, consider what is being said: "adolescents
age 12 to 17 who use marijuana weekly are nine times more likely than
non-users to experiment with illegal drugs..." How about 100%? Marijuana IS an illegal drug! DUH! What's more, this is about
teenagers engaging in risky behavior. What age were you when you engaged
in the most risky behavior of your life? Now we click on the link and
get this statement:
a fair amount of MediaCampaign's "facts" came from SAMHSA, I
decided to go right to the source. I went to http://www.samhsa.gov/search.
Then I entered in the search, the exact phrase
well. Anyone can have a broken link right? So I tried their alternate
404 page suggests that I go to PREVLINE if I have any problems trying
to access the information I'm looking for. The link for PREVLINE took
me to http://www.health.org.
So I went there, searched through their drop-down box for Marijuana, and
looked for that 1998 SAMHSA article that MediaCampaign quoted. that took
me to the page http://www.health.org/catalog/ordersystem2.asp?Topic=54
which contains lots of articles and the links to them or how to order
the booklets online. Under the heading PUBLICATIONS entitled