Feo Amante's Horrible News REAL HEADLINES - LAMPOON NEWS
BRINGING YOU THE MOST HORRIBLE NEWS SINCE 1999, -
ALL FROM THE MIND OF FEO AMANTE. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
NEWS ITEMS BELOW THE HEADLINES ARE NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. IF YOU INSIST ON TAKING THEM SERIOUSLY, THEN YOU ARE JUST AN IDIOT.
Feo's Stuff
Literature and Writers Horrible News Conventions Horror, Thriller, Suspense, and Mystery Movies Comics, Graphic Novels, and Anime
Custom Search
FEO AMANTE.COM HORRIBLE NEWS HORRIBLE NEWS ARCHIVE HORRIBLE FACTS
FEED BACK?
NEWS? SUBMISSIONS?
Write Me:
Feo Amante

Be sure to write: Feo Reader in the subject line else you may be bounced like JunkeMail.
SUBMISSION
GUIDELINES
ARCHIVE NEWS
SITE BIO
SPECIAL REPORT ARCHIVE

MOVIES
REVIEWS
INTERVIEWS
SCIENCE MOMENT
TOP TEN SCARY MOVIES
UNFAIR RACIAL CLICHÉ ALERT
RACIAL CLICHÉ RESPONSE
VARMINT

COMICS

HORROR
CONS
ROAD TRIP TIPS

HORRIBLE NEWS
ARCHIVE
CHAT SNATCH

STORY TIME
FEO TALES
REVIEWS

SPONSOR

 

HORRIBLE NEWS ARCHIVES

 

RETURN TO TOP

So shifty it needs its own separate article: Read the story behind the curious and unsupported "facts" as presented by the anti-drug U.S. government site, Media Campaign
Feo let's them hang by their own non-hemp rope in
TEEN POT USE

 


IN THE NEWS
2008

REAL HEADLINES - LAMPOON NEWS
All news links open in separate browser windows

MARCH - APRIL - MAY - AUG!

AUG! 28, 2008

STRENGTHENING GUSTAV HEADS FOR JAMAICA
Styx warned you!
When Montego turns to monsoon /
You've got those Mother Nature Blues.

JINDAL DECLARES STATE OF EMERGENCY
Governor Jindal wait! Isn't a hurricane an act of God? You wouldn't try to thwart an Act of God, would you?

OBAMA EXPECTED TO ADDRESS CHANGE IN SPEECH

Wait a minute. Wasn't this the very same kind of "change" that Bill Clinton promised in 1992? And again in 1996? Didn't Albert Arnold Gore promise this very same thing in 2000? And John Kerry promised it in 2004? And that Nancy Pelosi promised in 2006? I thought this was all suposed to be "progressive" new stuff? This stuff is from back in 1968 (and it didn't win then). The 2012 Presidential elections should be interesting. DEMOCRAT: 44 Years Of Empty Promises. So far, only George Bush has delivered any real change. The Bush years are nothing like the Clinton years, that's for sure!

STRAY DOG BLAMED IN SHOE CAPER
Hm! Those dogs really WERE barking!

OBAMA CALLS FOR OIL CRACKDOWN
So Obama wants to stop Iran and other OPEC nations from raising the price of oil? No, he wants to stop Americans from speculating on what the price of oil might be. Hmmm...

Are you speculating what I'm speculating?

You'd better not! Or I'll tell Obama!

'JUNK' RAFT ENDS POLLUTION AWARENESS MISSION
You ended our Pollution Awareness Mission!
You bastards!

PELOSI TO PROTESTORS: CAN WE DRILL YOUR BRAINS?
Nancy, 10 years of drilling for brains wouldn't make you any smarter. You can't drill your way out of your mess.

ARCTIC ICE AT SECOND-LOWEST LEVEL EVER
How good news is made to seem like bad news.

Summer time is melt time for the Arctic ice, natch. The article goes on to state that the lowest record was recorded in September of 2007, when the sea ice was at the low point of 1.65 million square miles. This year, that cover has increased to 2.03 million square miles. So why do they make it seem like bad news when, in fact, the ice is increasing?

This story comes from the National Snow and Ice Data Center (NSIDC) in Boulder, Colorado. This group is an Anthropogenic Global Warming enthusiast bunch, meaning they totally swallow the idea of man-made global warming. The fact that the sea ice actually increased over last year really puts egg on all of their faces.

Why? Because it was only back in June that these folks told everyone that 2008 will be the summer when "the thin Arctic sea ice, which was frozen in autumn, will completely melt away at the geographic North Pole." Their prediction was the exact opposite of what happened. It didn't shrink to nothing or indeed shrink at all. So far, since this group organized, they haven't had a single climate or weather prediction go right. Ouch! Maybe they should go into business with televangelist and global warming believer Pat Robertson. Oh wait, he got at least one weather prediction right.

DEMS YANK GLOBAL WARMING BILL
It apparently is the wrong bill at the wrong time.

SOME ON LEFT TARGET MCCAIN'S WAR RECORD
Former General Wesley Clark doesn't believe that John McCain's military record, being a fighter pilot, and five years as a prisoner of war, is relevant to running the country (he's also been a U.S. Senator for over 20 years, Wesley).

On the other hand, Wesley Clark believes that his few years in Bosnia giving photo-ops, and John Kerry's six weeks in Vietnam, is totally relevant to running the country!


Bookmark and Share

MAY 28, 2008

MONKEYS CONTROL ROBOTS WITH THEIR MINDS
Shit! Soon robot monkeys will take over the world!

IS GRANDMA DRUGGED UP?
Well she's not going to get into a good college with THAT kind of behavior!

ROBOTS COULD SOON ROVE ANTARCTICA
What? No! Bananas are near the equator! Turn your robots to the equator you stupid monkeys!

SHARON STONE APOLOGIZES FOR CHINA QUAKE 'KARMA' REMARK

File under "Why The World Hates Us: Blame Hollywood. Case #453

LA SCALA TO STAGE GORE'S 'AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH'
Well if Italian Opera says Anthropogenic Global Warming is real, then it must be!

CREEPY OR CUTE? ROBOT CREATURE TO STUDY TOUCH
Soon even robots will say, "Get your paws off me you damn dirty ape!"

PELOSI ON MCCLELLAN: 'I TOTALLY AGREE'
Though admits she hasn't actually read the book.

BARACK OBAMA: SCOTT MCCLELLAN 'CONFIRMED WHAT A LOT OF US HAVE THOUGHT FOR SOME TIME'
Then admits he hasn't actually read the book.

BATTERY-POWERED ROBOT CLIMBS ROPE FOR 7 HOURS IN GRAND CANYON, SETS GUINNESS WORLD RECORD
Seriously! Those robots are sick to the firewire with their monkey masters.

SCIENTISTS WORK TO DEVELOP ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY BOMBS
Can blast a school-room of children through a brick wall like red cream pies - yet gentle to your ficus!

NASA RUSHING TO GET TOILET PUMP ONTO SPACE SHUTTLE
Russian space station is full of shit. No, really.

MAY 09, 2008

Bestiality with gator

 

Bookmark and Share

APRIL 29, 2008

Reverend Wright - Booga Booga: Dude, You Don't REALLY Have Magic Powers

 

APRIL 24, 2008

CLINTON SAYS SHE LEADS IN POPULAR VOTE
But she says a lot of things.

REID, PELOSI, DEAN MAY PUSH UNCOMMITTED SUPERDELEGATES TO DECIDE NO LATER THAN JULY 1
And if the Democrat Superdelegates don't WANT to decide by July 1? THEN what? Huh? Huh? Huh? Whatchoo gonna do about it? Huh?

CNN NOW SUED FOR 1.3 BILLION - $1 PER PERSON IN CHINA
You know, if you have a MySpace page like I do, you run into an awful lot of folks who are vigorously worried over what the rest of the world thinks of the U.S. They are so actively fretful that the rest of the world doesn't like us: May, perhaps, even hate us (this despite the fact that the U.S. has the world's largest number of foreign nationals trying to live here). At myspace, and other websites, they tell me why the world hates us. They know WHO to blame for all of our ills and problems. But you know, not a week goes by that I don't see stories like this one and want to say to these people: "You're pointing your finger in the wrong direction."

APRIL 15, 2008

DAVIS APOLOGIZES FOR CALLING OBAMA 'BOY'
But what do you expect in a guy from Kentucky? They call everybody 'boy' there even if that boy is 90 years old! Now it would be different if Davis was from Louisiana where they call everybody - including total strangers fresh off the street - 'Baby'.

"What you want, baby?" "That comes to "$4.99, baby." "Is this your baby, baby?"

I wonder how Barack feels about Californians, who frequently call Obama, 'Dude'. As in "Like, I'm totally voting for, y'know, Hillary? 'Cuz I don't want that dude's finger on the button, y'know?"

'D.C. MADAM' SIGHS QUIETLY AS JURY FINDS HER GUILTY
Then she moaned slightly, and climaxed softly.

RARE, LIFE-SIZED BETTY BOOP STATUE STOLEN
They finally took her Boop-de-boop away!

Bob Johnson in the house for Hillary

 

Pope Benedict 01
THIS IS WHAT THE CHURCH SELLS TO THE FLOCK. THIS IS THE MOST BENIGN POSE THEY COULD GET!
POPE SAYS HE IS DEEPLY ASHAMED OF 'CLERGY ABUSE' SCANDAL
You know, in this pop-star age of make-up and hair styles and plastic surgery, it is wrong to judge someone who doesn't go for all of that. It is wrong to judge someone's character simply because they're un-photogenic. But that said, these were the best photos I could find of Pope Benedict XVI. I'm not even talking about the photos online that are purposefully touched up to make him look bad. These are the photos released by the Catholic Church! These are the ones they think are the Pope at his BEST! I mean, Wow! This guy has one seriously evil face!
Pope Benedict 02
I PUT A SPELL ON YOU!

So I'm looking at that headline, dated April 15, 2008, and I'm thinking, 'Okay, he didn't come forward when this scandal first broke out over 20 years ago. And through the years he didn't come forward when there was enough evidence to go to trial against ... ten priests? Nope.
One hundred priests? Nope.
One thousand priests? Nope.
Ten thousand priests? Nope.
He didn't even come forward then.

Christmas Pope
HE TRIED TO DRESS CUTE AND FESTIVE FOR CHRISTMAS, AND YET...
Pope for Christmas
FROM EVERY ANGLE AND AT DIFFERENT TIMES OF THE DAY...
He didn't come forward when the priests were convicted or when they plead guilty. He didn't come forward when Cardinal Roger Mahoney admitted that there was an entire infrastructure built into the Roman Catholic Church network that basically protected these priests from the law; shuffled them around to other churches and other countries, where the child molestations would continue, and then they'd get shuffled again! He didn't even come forward when the Catholic Church was successfully sued for nearly one billion dollars in California alone (he won't be visiting California, btw)! Pope Benedict even tried to blame the Church's troubles, not on pedophile priests, but on Atheists! It was the athiests that were responsible for all of the troubles in the world! So when does Pope Benedict feel just awful about a world-wide religion that houses an entire, ever rotating massive group of pedophile priests? In 2008, when the Catholic Church is obligated to start PAYING OUT that lawsuit money! Oh, NOW he feels deeply ashamed!

Pope with hat and cross
HE JUST LOOKS... WELL, YOU TELL ME!
Seriously! Approximately ten thousand pedophile priests (that number includes Bishops, Cardinals, and the like) in the United States alone! I guess that might mean that not all Catholic clergy in the U.S. are pedophiles (how many total are in this country? What percent of male Catholic Clergy is about ten thousand?), but even the ones who weren't? They just HAD to know what was going on. They HAD to!

As for the accompanying photos, I've read online how some people look at Pope Benedict XVI's face and see his joyfully bright and inquisitive eyes (these are the people who LIKE him, so the words, "Inquisitive eyes" in describing someone who represents a religion that ordained hundreds of years of horrifying Inquisitions... well, that's just a damn poor choice of words right there!). Now I don't know the guy. For all I know, he's used his last three years of Pope-iness as a preparation to really bring the Catholic religion into the 21st Century: To stop the ordained abetting of all of these child molestors in the church, world-wide; to bring these sick bastards, hiding behind the guise of "Doing the Lord's work", to justice. So I know you can't judge a book by its cover, but when I look at his face, his eyes aren't telling me "bright and inquisitive", but "Meh, Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh! Heeeh!"

APRIL 14, 2008

Obama Religion and Guns

 

APRIL 9, 2008

BABY WITH TWO FACES WORSHIPPED AS GODDESS
Wow! My two-faced boss would sell her kids for that kind of Fu!

DIANA'S BUTLER MAY FACE POLICE PROBE
Face the police probe? Those batty Brits! Everyone knows Police insert their probe in the other end!

FCC TO PROPOSE EMERGENCY ALERT TEXT MESSAGING SYSTEM
=<8^@ RU N trbl n0w!

AS CHICAGO BIDS FOR GAMES, OBAMA DUCKS OLYMPICS CRITICISM
"Olympics? What Olympics? That's not part of my campaign strategy!"

APRIL 8, 2008

Jay Rockefeller red-handed and redacted

 

APRIL 4, 2008

McCain Mistake

 

APRIL 3, 2008

NEWSFLASH!: It's 2008 and even though CNN reports weekly on Global Warming, they still don't have an actual Science Section on their news site. In fact, they are the ONLY major news source that DOESN'T have a science section. Even FOXNews has a science section! I guess having all of those ACTUAL leading Climatologists refuting Man-Made Global Warming was getting pretty irritating. They have a Tech Section though; which is really just a bunch of ads for Apple, Microsoft, and the like disguised as news. But don't worry, CNN is ready to give you all of the details concerning the latest on Paris Hilton, Britany Spears, and The New Kids On The Block Reunion Tour! So remember: CNN is your Number One source for the REAL news on Man-Made Global Warming!

ENTHUSIASM - Michelle Obama and Theresa Heinz

 

PARENTS: 6-YEAR-OLD DISCIPLINED FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT
What illuminates this article is that, deep down in the story, this same teacher had her little charges making collages earlier in the year. She provided them magazines to cut out pictures and photos including magazines that featured naked women. Now she feels uncomfortable because her little six year olds are looking at her in a whole new way. Ahem...

POLICE: OMAHA MOM TAUGHT HER KIDS TO USE POT
Well, you don't want them learning it from their 4 year-old friends, do you?

WOMAN STUCK IN BATHTUB FOR FIVE DAYS
Yeah, that's what happens when you get old ... and wrinkled!

LAST OF STRANDED ALOHA PASSENGERS RETURN HOME
Stranded in paradise. Yeah, that sucks.

ISLAMIC FIGHTERS SEIZE EIGHTH SOMALIA TOWN
Just two more and they'll complete their set! And remember, the only reason they are doing this to a small town in Somalia, is to get back at America - which they hate!

BREAKING THE DEMOCRATIC QUAGMIRE
There are only two measley little candidates - just two(!) - and already they are embroiled in a quagmire! Imagine how much fun they'll be when one of them actually takes office and has to face the entire freaking country AND world?

AUTISTIC CHILDREN LINKED TO SAME SPERM DONOR
Sperm banks have always been a great way for both ugly people and social misfits to procreate without actually having to touch each other. But now, one of those ugly social misfits might also be spreading his autistic gene! Some truly hideous women who used sperm donors are concerned and a few even outraged. But what did they expect from an anonymous Jack-off?

Bookmark and Share

MARCH 24, 2008

Hillary's Wild-eyed Lies

 

MARCH 20, 2008

Obama's Amazing Powers of Observation!

 

MARCH 18, 2008

Obama is Wright!

 

MARCH 12, 2008

Geraldine Ferraro: 20 Years of Fighting Uppity!

 

MARCH 10, 2008

FOSSIL SEA MONSTER BIG ENOUGH TO BITE A CAR
But at it's age, prefers creamed corn.

Seriously, what does that headline even mean? I had a dog who would bite cars: Moving cars! He was big, sure, but no sea monster. His name was Bowser. We would shout, " Hey Bowser! Here boy!" and he'd come running. We called him 'Bowser' because 'You Stupid Cop', is a terrible name for a dog. Bowser got hit by a car.

Hillary wants Barack for her Vice-President

 

Bookmark and Share


HOME

 





 

 


CULLED FROM THE BOWELS OF:
News Resources

ABCNEWS.COM

ANANOVA.COM

BBCNEWS

CBSNEWS.COM

CNN

FOXNEWS.COM

INFOBEAT.COM

myway.com

MSNBC.COM

NEW YORK TIMES

REUTERS

 

RETURN TO TOP

THE HARDCORE
REAL SITES OF REAL EXTREMISTS AND THEIR REASONS

Home site of the #1 False Prophet of the world, Hal Lindsey! He's had so many of his prophecies crap out that now he only prophecizes about things that will happen long after he's dead and doesn't have to humiliate himself anymore. -And he STILL has his followers!
HALLINDSEY ORACLE.COM

Neal Horsely is neither racist or sexist, but a Christian man who feels that he is witnessing a great evil: Human Abortion.
This is the site that provides a HIT LIST for would be murderers of Abortion Clinic Doctors. Think this site is totally evil? You may be right. But now you have the opportunity to form your own opinion instead of just having it spoon-fed to you.
CHRISTIAN GALLERY.COM

Michael Jackson used to look black, but thanks to numerous surgeries, he became white (and possibly female). David Duke (now living in France) used to look Jewish, but thanks to numerous surgeries, HE's white (and possibly female)! Read what new tricks this former KKK Wizard, (and still pal of former klansman, Sen. Robert Byrd [D]), with his poofy little doggie, is up to. The way he gushes over us white folk is enough to make me blush!
DAVID DUKE

Another prissy and effeminate hate monger - only he don't like my color! In the interest of equal time I did my damndest to find a site by Louie, but no cigar. Here is the only thing I could find. Louie in his own words.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN

He made a movie about his trials and tribulations in promoting his book, DOWNSIZE THIS. The film, THE BIG ONE, was hailed by critics, but since it trashed liberal businesses and the Clinton administration, it was crushed by the distributor, Miramax, which only released it to 33 theaters (according to the imdb.com). Since then, to insure good distribution, Michael's curtailed both his freedom of speech and thought, making only movies frothing with liberalism and fanatically bashing everything else! Check out Michael Moore in his own words, but better save those webpages. He tends to erase his contradictions often.
MICHAEL MOORE

RETURN TO TOP

Feo Amante's Horror Home Page, Feo Amante's Horror Thriller, and feoamante.com are owned and copyright 1997 - 2008 by E.C.McMullen Jr.
FAIR USE
-  PRIVACY POLICY -  OWNERSHIP -  CONTACT
All images and text belong to E.C.McMullen Jr. unless otherwise noted.
All fiction stories belong to their individual authors.
I'll Take You Home To Feo