IS GREAT STUFF!
- Tom Piccirilli
shifty it needs its own separate article: Read the story behind
the curious and unsupported "facts" as presented by
the anti-drug U.S. government site, Media
Feo let's them hang by their own non-hemp rope in
TEEN POT USE
IN THE NEWS
HEADLINES - LAMPOON NEWS
All news links open in separate browser window
NOVEMBER 22, 2006
WE'RE REVOLUTIONIZING THE NEWS ... ONCE AGAIN
CNN's latest marketing strategy is to admit that they invent the news instead of just tell it. Hey CNN, I applaud the fact that you are at least admitting you have a problem; that's the first step. Unfortunately, it's not the next step and far from the last step. So here's an idea for you. How about, instead of "Revolutionizing the News", you "Report the news"?
Think about it, halfwits! I'm still not trusting you until Captain Outrageous is back in charge.
O.J. SAYS 'I HAVE NOTHING TO CONFESS
Then ... why'd you write the book?
BUSH GIVES TURKEYS A BREAK FOR THANKSGIVING
Pelosi and Murtha ungrateful.
4 IN 10 U.S. CHILDREN BORN IN 2005 OUT OF WEDLOCK
Further proof that girls mature faster than boys, just not so you'd notice.
TEACHING THANKSGIVING FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
From California (where else), comes the tale of Long Beach Elementary School teacher, Bill Morgan, and how he wants to teach, for Thanksgiving, his young students that white men stole America from the Indians.
Okay. Um. Indians don't believe in the idea of owning something that existed before you and will exist long after you.
What's more, despite Bill's apparent "enlightenment", he has yet to turn over his house and property to any Indian tribes. Nor does he have any plans to. Nor does he have any plans to leave America and return to his own native land - wherever that is. Smells like hypocrisy, I know.
SEXILY DRESSED DOCS MAY BE DANGEROUS
Hey Doc! Nice Tits!
"That's it! I'm going to kill you - in surgery!"
GLOBAL WARMING COULD CAUSE BIRD EXTINCTIONS: WWF
Good news for China I suppose. Though I hardly lend the World Wrestling Federation much credibility on this issue.
MERCURY CROSSING THE SUN WEDNESDAY
Fool! Don't you EVER cross the Sun!
BEHIND TALK OF A NEW DRAFT: EQUITY
As always, it's a Democrat trying to push forward a draft. As always, he makes sure to keep HIS age bracket out of it.
BUSH 41 DEFENDS SON TO ARAB CRITICS
He has to - the UAE is a pretty hostile crowd, having been whipped into virulent anti-U.S. hatred for the past 6 years by none other than Bill Clinton and Al Gore. They go over there and make speeches several times a year, EVERY year, trashing Bush and the United States: at about $175,000 a pop! Bush 41 said that his son is "An honest man", making the clear implication that Clinton and Gore are not - which is true.
KERRY SAYS HE'S NOT OUT OF THE '08 RACE
Welcome news for Republicans.
SCIENTISTS TRY TO MAKE ROBOTS MORE HUMAN
What the hell for, when there are plenty of real humans to go around? I'm just guessing that these folks are making robots to be more LIKE humans because no one will have sex with them to make REAL humans.
IF I DID IT ...
As you can see by the cover, Feo remains emotionally shaken by the event which may not have happened.
One Texas evening in January, 1996 - before he even started dating his future wife - Feo Amante saw the movie FROM DUSK TILL DAWN.
Now comes his startling, earth shattering, confession!
"I'm not saying that I slept with Salma Hayek," Feo Amante asserts. "That is not what this book is about. But if I DID have sex with Salma Hayek, WOW! This is how we did it. Not that we did."
LISTEN (to the audio book), as Feo recounts, in tears, the moments that led up to his imagined tryst with Salma Hayek.
READ (the regular book) as Feo remembers what Salma Hayek would have done that cool January evening in a swanky Houston, Texas hotel suite - had she only been there.
VISUALIZE every square inch of Feo's glorious nekkid body! Salma's too, if you like!
DECIDE FOR YOURSELF (using your brain, not some blog opinion), if Feo did, in fact, have sex with Salma Hayek (FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, THE FACULTY, DOGMA) - and he isn't saying he did! But IF he did, Wow! You just won't BELIEVE the things they did! Seriously, this is some really Hot Erotic Steamy stuff!
- If they had actually done it. Which they didn't. But DAMN if they did ... Whew!
Feo also comments on the hotel service - NOT that he was actually there, you understand.
While this book is not yet in print, Feo expects to get more than $3 million in advance for it. After all, Feo never murdered anyone to write it; he hasn't spent the last 10 years laughing about the deaths of anyone he was suspected of killing; never attended - as a Guest of Honor - a convention which celebrated the 10th Anniversary of his murders, and he has never made a series of videos in which he dressed as a pimp and joked about butchering Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman.
Truly a respected (?) publisher like Judith Regan would be delighted to pay more money to a writer who MAY have slept with Salma Hayek, than one who MAY have slaughtered two innocent people; left the bodies to be discovered by his children, and laughs to this day about how he got away with it - if just to clean herself of the filth she chose to wallow in.
Surely a respected (?) Media corporation like FOX or CNN would pay Feo handsomely for such an interview, even though he isn't ACTUALLY saying he did it.
Feo is hoping for a three book deal. Already in progress are his books
IF I Slept with Halle Berry...
IF I Slept With Jessica Alba...
Which of course, he didn't. But, Hoo boy, can you just imagine If! He! DID???
- RAVE REVIEWS!
Unlike the latest book by a murderous ex-jock and washed up actor, Feo Amante's new book IF I SLEPT WITH SALMA HAYEK THIS IS HOW IT HAPPENED, is getting rave reviews!
- Steven E. Wedel - Author, DARKSCAPES
- Mike Philbin - Editor, CHIMERAWORLD
"Hands off my Salma, Feo!"
Jeffrey Thomas - Author, DEADSTOCK
"Kinky. She's really good. Or maybe not. YOU decide."
- Monica J. O'Rourke - Editor, DECADENCE TWO
"Brilliant, dude! I love it!"
- Dion Isis, Los Angeles Chapter President of the Horror Writers Association
"How can I get a signed copy...?"
- Curtis Hoffmeister - Author, THICKER THAN WATER
The editor, Judith Regan, of the book by the maniac who wrote about how he probably murdered his wife and an innocent man, then left the butchered bodies behind for his children, is now claiming that she published the book as a way for "revenge" against men. The hell? Regan further states that she "thought" the money from the book would go to the maniac's adult children. I gotta ask, You THOUGHT? YOU are the one who drew up and signed the contract, sweetheart. YOU are the one who made sure it went to a third party so the Ronald Goldman family couldn't touch it. So where did the money go, DITZ?
FOX interviewed the maniac, who was suitably tearful as he said, "I can't do this. I can't have my kids hear me say this."
CNN interviewed the maniac, who said "I have nothing to confess."
Check out the things that the convicted killer didn't mind his kids hearing and seeing.
Watch Weird Al Yankovic's DO I CREEP YOU OUT?
APRIL 25, 2006
RAP LYRICS MAY HELP SPUR VIOLENCE
And violence needs all the help it can get!
SCIENTISTS PROBE THE USE OF THE TONGUE
Oh crap! The perfect straight line! So many ways to play with this I ... I think I just suffered a core memory dump!
'VANITY FAIR' HAILS GREEN 'THE NEW BLACK' ON ECO-UNFRIENDLY PAPER
Well what do you expect from the magazine that supports itself with full page ads of diamonds, imported leather shoes, and gas-guzzling SUVs? We're talking Vanity Fair, here. How "Conspicous Consumption" can you get? I mean, just look at the picture! Not only do they have Al Gore on the cover trying to act like a scientist. They have the half-wit of the Kennedy clan, Robert (Google the words Sick Moron) Kennedy shoved into a corner of the cover (admittedly, partially hidden by fake plants, headlines, and the barcode box), they even have Julia Roberts dressed as some kind of Mother Nature/Gaia thing. And George Clooney is off in the corner wondering why everyone can't be as eco-friendly as he and drive an $84,000 single seat electric car (that you re-charge from your wall socket - don't ask where THAT electricity comes from!). A vehicle that costs more than most North American families make in a year. And having only one seat (with an option for two, one behind the other), which ain't exactly family friendly! Can the guy on the Green Issue of Vanity Fair really be the same guy who, only last month, failed in his attempt to get investors interested in a Las Vegas club idea of his that would indulge in the conspicuous consumption of the old Sinatra Rat-Pack days, except that it would be all black tie and EXCLUSIVE? (exclusive meaning that the under-a-certain-income riff-raff would be banned). One more thing: have you noticed that out of a world of billions of people and scientists, Vanity fair could only drum up a handful of white celebrities for their cover? I mean, if you are going to try and pretend that you "care about the world" then shouldn't your spokespeople represent the diversity of, well, the world?
Now understand that VANITY FAIR, at least for this month, wants you to forget that they've built a long history on the rich spending their money on whatever they feel like and being as wasteful as they wanna be. They want you to forget that Vanity Fair has always been about "the most important people in the world are only the rich and beautiful." They want you to forget that Vanity Fair has built its legacy on nothing but self-indulgent Conspicuous Consumption. They want you to forget that they have established a reputation on covers that look like,
(Featuring the 2004 International Best-Dressed List! Plus: isn't Keira Knight pretty for an 18 Year-old? - and the Bush Divorce gets ugly!)
(Estée Lauder and me, Plus Can the King of Silicon Valley Find Happiness on the World's Longest Yacht and Paris Hilton wears white!)
(Billionaire Boys' Toys: Riviera Hopping Aboard the World's Biggest Yachts! Plus The Real Life Soap Opera behind TV's Hottest Show!)
(Featuring Fake Reporter by Day, Gay Escort By Night! Plus Steve Wynn's 2.7 Billion Dollar Casino and the Mystical Side of Pope John Paul II!)
(Featuring Monkey Business Spectacular! Plus, Skullduggery at the White House, Leaks and Lies and The New York Times, Heroes! Winners! Guilty Pleasures!)
|TO SNOW YOU WITH THIS
(So what better place than Vanity Fair to get out the real news on Global Warming? And you know the science is solid, just look at who they have on the cover!)
They've also selected a very Pop culture group of scientists, the majority of whom are not climatologists, geologists, meteorologists, or seismologists, but who are more than happy to trash any and all scientists whose ACTUAL research contradicts THEIR presumption of human created global warming. And you can trust these guys because, what better place for a scientist to take their non-scientifically peer reviewed work seriously than Vanity Fair Magazine?
Plus, old Al Gore is trying SO hard to get environmental groups to remove those archived reports of when he was in power for 8 years and how he behaved toward the environment and indigenous peoples then! If you don't know what I'm talking about, then try these few links on for size -
GlobalPolicy.org - Global Ministries - AmazonAlliance.org 1996
Al Gore's family and their Occidental Oil company, has had a direct hand in wars and death in South American countries, all due to oil, for over three decades! And Occidental Oil has been kicked out of small countries for malfeasance.
So I guess that Self-Indulgent Hypocrisy is actually the new green!
FIRST MOONWALKER RECEIVES MOONROCK
Second moonwalker receives a year's supply of Turtle Wax.
SCIENTISTS DIG UP MILLION-YEAR-OLD ICE CUBE
Then, while celebrating, some half-wit dropped it into a glass of 20 year old scotch.
BLACK HOLES ARE ACTUALLY 'GREEN'
"If you could make a car engine that was as efficient as one of these black holes, you could get about a billion miles out of a gallon of gas," said study team leader Steve Allen of the Kavli Institute for Particle Astrophysics and Cosmology at Stanford University.
What he failed to mention was that if your car really was like a black hole, then it would obliterate the rest of the car within 'nths of a nanosecond and the rest of the planet it sat on soon after.
Which just goes to show that you can be a noted egghead and still say stupid stuff.
IRAN OFFICIAL THREATENS TO HIDE NUKE PROGRAM
After two years of threats and saber rattling claptrap, Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmajellibean says he'll take their nuclear weapons program under ground, where they'll deny it and pretend it doesn't exist!
Ye-eah, that'll work!
It's not that he's intelligent, with nuclear ambitions, that makes him dangerous, but that he's a blinking stupid moron, with nuclear ambitions, that makes him dangerous.
MARCH 8, 2006
SUSPECT: CHURCH FIRES STARTED AS A "JOKE"
I'm no God believer, but these two douchebags (with maybe a third) deserve everything they get, and I hope it hurts. They were starting church fires for "fun" and as a "joke"? Why in MY day, by cracky, we had sex with girls for "fun" and told them that we loved them for a 'joke"! Ah, of course, girls matured faster than boys back then.
CHINA FACES REALITY OF MANNED SPACEFLIGHT
Wow! Uh, you know, its like - we'll actually have to put people up there, you know? Now I've got no problem sending our people into space; but the world won't be impressed unless we actually keep them alive and, like, bring them back!
FEBRUARY 20 , 2006
BIN LADEN VOWS NEVER TO BE CAPTURED ALIVE
Suits me. Who says anyone wants him alive? But if we DO capture him alive, I have no doubt that he'll make every bit as big an ass of himself as Saddam "Cower in the hole" Hussein is doing right now.
PAT ROBERTSON ACCUSED OF DAMAGING MOVEMENT
His anal discharge is clogging plumbing and backing up toilets in local gas stations all around his home..
ANCIENT TREE POSSIBLY FOUND IN INDIANA
"Or maybe it was Ohio," say discoverers. "Or Illinois. And it may not have been a tree at all. It could have been a shrub."
FEBRUARY 9 , 2006
JURY REJECTS KILLER SHRIMP SUIT
Which means shrimp won't be rioting in the streets: at least, for now. Though, knowing shrimp, they'll find something to get all worked up over - and soon!
ARTIST PAINTS WORLDS THAT NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN
And talks to people that aren't even there.
EX-FEMA CHIEF: I MAY TELL ALL ABOUT KATRINA
What do you mean you "May tell all"? Yer under indictment, bonehead! You're SUPPOSED to tell all!
MOLLY IVINS: THE SHAME OF TEXAS
Gee, Molly! Don't be so hard on yourself!
WHO HAS THE #1 ALBUM? BARRY MANILOW
Which just goes to show how wretched the competition being thrown-up by the Music Industry really is.
BATTERY CHARGE CONSIDERED AGAINST PESCI
Who really wouldn't mind a good charging of the 'ol batteries - IF you know what I mean.
BUSH SPELLS OUT LA TERROR PLOT
"Well, you have ... uh ... A-heh! There is an L in there. Followed by a ... I mean, everybody knows that the next letter is an "A". We know that. We understand it. Now the next word is longer ...
CONGRESS MADE WIKIPEDIA CHANGES
Several prominant Democrats have admitted to changing the truth to something they felt was more palatable. Vandalism has also been going on with slanderous attacks against Republicans like Representative Eric Cantor (R-VA), Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK), all from computers on Capitol Hill. Both the dubious edits as well as the slander came from the offices of the following people: Representative Marty Mehan (D-MA), Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), Senator Tom Harkin (D-IA), Senator Norm Coleman (D-MN), and more, who also kept editing the entry for president Bush so much (folks outside of their offices were also involved) that Wikipedia not only had to block further edits to George Bush, but had to block computers in the Democrat offices. Hmmm. Nice to see where that big fat pay raise is going.
CHINESE MAN 'JAILED DUE TO YAHOO'
And he ain't saying "Yahoo" about it, either.
MORE GIRLS THAN BOYS TURNING TO DRUGS
It's just their way of "maturing faster". Still, this is probably good news for boys, as well as shows like Jerry Springer.
FAMILY CLAIMS SOUP CONTAINED A DEAD MOUSE
So? They DID, after all, buy a can of Campbell's Creamy Mouse Soup!
FEBRUARY 6 , 2006
EMBASSIES BURN IN CARTOON PROTEST
Cartoons around the world are outraged!
MUSLIMS IN NEW CARTOON PROTESTS
Radical Muslims, who set their watches and cell phones by the latest hourly outrage, joined with International cartoons in protest! Though radical Muslims admit they really aren't sure what exactly it is that they're protesting. Never-the-less, said Muslims, slaughtered their neighbors by the thousands in a show of support, then quickly blamed it all on non-Muslims, women in general, and Muslims who refuse to be stupid.
WORLD'S DEADLIEST GERMS MOVING TO BOSTON
For those fantastic Massachussett's job opportunities and tax breaks!
BOUNCING MOUSE SNARLS DEVELOPMENT
Grr! We'll build a City Walk over there! Boing! We'll raze that field for an Ikea parking lot! Boing! Roar! And I want three apartment complexes to the west! Boing! Grr! Boing! Snarl! Boing!
NUTRISYSTEM LURES MEN WITH PIZZA, SEX
Add beer to that mix and you sure as shit got MY attention!
DIET PILL GETS CLOSER TO STORE SHELVES
Right now the delivery trucks are making their way through Poughkeepsie, but them pills are getting closer!
NEW TECHNIQUE FINDS EARTH-LIKE PLANET
With earth-like Wal-Marts! Oh yeah, earth like Wal-Marts!
BUSH PUSHES "FIX" FOR OIL ADDICTION
Well, admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery, I guess.
DEMOCRATS RESPOND: THERE IS A BETTER WAY
But even after 45+ years of waiting, the American public has yet to be told just what "Better way" it is that the Democrats have.
Be my guest, read the article. Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine (Democrat), didn't reveal that "better way". For the record, the news also interviewed other Democrats to see what they thought of Kaine's speech, and none of them knew what way would be better than what was already happening. And this is disturbing, you know, because, at this point, you would think that - compared to what's going on under the Bush administration - this would be a walk in the park for even a freshman Democrat representative. Who couldn't figure out a "better way"? I mean, if you are an elected lawmaker, and you know a better way within the law, will you please freaking tell us?
RESEARCHER: ANGER COMMON BEFORE INJURY
How you feel after the injury? Well, that's what we all in Texas call an "attitude adjustment".
BANISH THE BEDROOM BLAHS
Which makes no sense. Your bedroom isn't supposed to be an eye-popping experience. That's where you go to sleep! You ask my wife, she'll tell you that I'm VERY good in bed. Yep. No one can sleep like I can!
IS PORN A GROWING OR SHRINKING BUSINESS?
Well, sometimes it grows, and other times it shrinks. In between the growth and the shrink in porn, is what we call a "facial". Bukake if yer Japanese.
GOOGLE DEFENDS CENSORSHIP OF THE WEB
GOOGLE VOWS TO FIGHT GOVERNMENT DEMAND FOR USER DATA
Don't those two headlines look so spiffy next to each other? The first one explains how Al Gorgle will do anything for a buck, human rights be damned - like selling user data to China! The second, delivered by google at the same time, shows how google will fight the U.S. government to protect their user data. Understand, that Google's fight isn't actually FOR the users, as Google has no problem at all giving the very same data the U.S. government wants, to the Chinese government if they so request it. Ah! "Don't be evil" indeed! Its what makes Google's "vow" so, so ...Noble!
CULLED FROM THE BOWELS OF:
OF REAL EXTREMISTS AND THEIR REASONS
of the #1 False Prophet of the world, Hal Lindsey! He's had so many
of his prophecies crap out that now he only prophecizes about
things that will happen long after he's dead and doesn't have to humiliate
himself anymore. and he STILL has his followers!
is neither racist or sexist, but he is a Christian man who feels that
he is witnessing a great evil: Human Abortion.
This is the site that provides a HIT LIST for would be murderers
of Abortion Clinic Doctors. Think this site is totally evil? You may
be right. But now you have the opportunity to form your own opinion
instead of just having it spoon-fed to you.
Jackson used to look black, but thanks to numerous surgeries, he's white
(and possibly female). David Duke (now
living in France) used to look Jewish, but thanks to numerous
surgeries, HE's white! Read what new tricks this former KKK Wizard,
(and still pal of former klansman, Sen. Robert Byrd [D]),
with his poofy little doggie, is up to. The way he gushes over us white
folk is enough to make me blush!
prissy and effeminate hate monger - only he don't like my kind! In the
interest of equal time I did my damndest to find a site by Louie, but
no cigar. Here is the only thing I could find. Louie in his own words.
a movie about his trials and tribulations in promoting his book, DOWNSIZE
THIS. The film, THE BIG ONE, was hailed by critics, but since it trashed
liberal businesses (like Nike) and the Clinton administration, it was crushed by the distributor,
Miramax, which only released it to 33 theaters (according
to the imdb.com).
Since then, to insure good distribution, Michael's curtailed both his freedom of speech and thought,
making only movies frothing with liberalism and fanatically bashing everything
else! Check out Michael Moore in his own words, but better save those
webpages. He tends to erase his contradictions often.