IS GREAT STUFF!
- Tom Piccirilli
shifty it needs its own separate article: Read the story behind
the curious and unsupported "facts" as presented by
the anti-drug U.S. government site, Media
Feo let's them hang by their own non-hemp rope in
TEEN POT USE
IN THE NEWS
HEADLINES - LAMPOON NEWS
All news links open in separate browser windows
27 , 2005
DOLPHINS RELEASED IN FLA.
The sad fact is, 3 out of every five rehabilitated dolphins return to
the first year.
THAN STRANGE' DINOSAUR FOUND IN UTAH
It talks but it won't talk to us. Yet apparently it's talking to someone
on its cell phone. This despite the fact that it couldn't possibly have
any money to afford a carrier service! Pretty freaking strange!
DINOSAUR A TRANSITIONAL CREATURE
It used to be liberal but now considers itself a libertarian.
COMPUTERS MAKE SHOPPING CARTS SMARTER
I gotta ask: Smarter than what?
GROCERY CARTS ARE ONLY SO SMART
Microsoft/NBC's take on the same story. Better - if oddly arrogant -
headline and a reason not to let those grocery carts get uppity with
you. One possible reason for the arrogance? The cart computers don't
So they are only, you know, "so" smart.
DINOSAUR CAUGHT IN EVOLUTION ACT
Dinosaur won't talk to anyone but his lawyer claims irreperable humiliation
MICE ENJOY ONE-FIFTH MORE LIFE
While still retaining their 100% dissection rate.
SMOG HAS LED TO 'GLOBAL BRIGHTENING'
Environmental extremists, never too bright a group to begin with, are
really going to beg their leaders for an opinion after this one. Actual
Climate Scientists (not a group of 2,500 "scientists"
- many of them homeopaths and iridologists) ably demonstrate
how, when there is less particulate air pollution blocking and reflecting
back the sunlight from earth, then naturally, MORE sunlight reaches
the earth's surface. And when the skies are clearer and less polluted,
more of the sun's radiation hits the surface. And when more of the sun's
radiating heat hits the surface of the earth, then the earth gets warmer.
And when the globe gets warmer, then we have global warming.
Rule-Of-Law capitalist countries like the U.S., Australia/Asia, Japan,
and now China, are wealthy enough to clean up their own environment.
corrupt governments with little to no capitalism or rule of law, like
what is largely found in South Asia and Africa, create more pollution
because the ruling dictators don't care. And their pollution covers
the world no matter what kind of accord or treaty the wealthier, less
corrupt nations do.
a few of you won't. Happily, most of my visitors seem pretty smart!
MUFFIN HEADED FOR SPACE
Boyfriends' weiner will follow.
VISION GIRL AMAZES SCIENTIST
Yeah, she amazes a really gullible scientist!
TO MOVE ON FROM THE IRAQ ISSUE'
"Blair is a
liar about the Iraq WMD thing!" said conservative leader,
Michael Howard. Now that the latest report shows evidence to the
not a liar? Ah. Well ... um ... You know, it's time to move on from
the Iraq issue anyway. Ahem."
BOGUS BABY BOTTLE SCARE
Is utterly without merit! Baby bottles are real and not bogus. On the
other hand, Rubber baby buggy bumpers be bogus.
SCIENTISTS PROBE EXPLODING TOADS
Probe, poke, probe, KA-BOOM!
Poke, probe, poke, KA-BOOM!
"Hmmm ... testy little bastards."
Actually, this is probably a headline which needs no joke!
REMOVE MAGGOTS FROM MAN'S EAR
Things to do in Thailand when you just want to say, "Phuket!"
PUSHES BUSH SS BAN
Aaah! Eeek! Bush is a Nazi! Bush is a Nazi! He's exactly, precisely
like Adolph Hitler! He's putting people into gas chambers! He's killing
millions and millions of people (no wait, Greenpeace
did that by helping to ban DDT)! He rules entire countries! he's
taking over entire continents! He has banned books (no
wait, Steve Jobs does that). He's imprisoning people because
of their race and/or religion! Speaking against Bush is punishable by
arrest, torture, and death (like in Cuba with
wait! Sorry! False alarm there. Turns out that CBS only meant Social
Security by saying SS - Not the Nazi Secret Police. Never mind, my bad
self. What was I thinking?
Well thank Dog!
AT 40? DEMENTIA MAY FOLLOW
I can't help it! I'm just crazy about bbq chicken & pork ribs! At
least I'll forget how fat I am.
this study was limited to 10,000 Californians over a period of 30 years.
So I gotta wonder, maybe its just living in California that makes you
UNVEILS ENERGY PLAN
And guess what the all new energy plan is about? Aw come on, guess!
I'll give you a hint: The all new energy plan is exactly like all the
other energy plans of the last 100 years! Can't guess? Surprise! It's
chiefly about oil! Oil and Nuclear power. Way to mind the family business
Meanwhile, the self-titled progressive, intellectual opposition, in
the unbalanced form of one Senate Democratic leader, Harry Reid, bleerily
staggered up to say that Bush's policies were all wrong-headed. THEY'RE
WRONG-HEADED! Thanks Harry. What would we do without your cunning
perception? When U.S. reporters asked him just what policies would be "right-headed",
Senator Reid froze like a deer in the headlights for 10 minutes with
his standard slack-jawed expression, then fell asleep.
Reporters would NEVER ask a Democrat to come up with a better
BILL TARGETS GAY AUTHORS
Hell, it targets anything homosexual at all! This bit of legislative
stupidity is brought to you by Republican Alabama State Representative,
Gerald Allen, who originally included non-homosexual works by the likes
of William Shakespeare as well as many others. Gerald is on record as
saying that banning books does not interfere with free speech. Well
thank you, Lenin! Forced to back down from his thinly disguised communist
agenda by members of his own party, Gerald has temporarily narrowed
his vision to the width of his mind and soul by encompassing only works
by homosexual writers, or those books that have homosexual characters
in them. Hiding behind the skirts of his own wounded "Christian"
morality (He's alarmed by what he sees as "the
homsexual agenda", blah, blah), Gerald has specifically targeted
a college play about Matthew Shepard, a young man who was beaten to
death (the top of his skull was beaten to a level
beneath his eyes) by some sexually confused scumbags who trolled
gay nightclubs specifically looking for homsexuals to kill, to assauge
their wounded morality.
Allen's morality is not wounded by putting on a play about homophobic
homicidal maniacs - nor did he voice "alarm" over said murderer's
behavior. No, he's only alarmed over people exposing the crimes of
the murderers! Apparently Gerald neither knows or cares about the
10 Commandments or the philosophies of Jesus Christ. His blindness must
be due to his own murderous agenda. I hope the voters in Gerry's home
state are alarmed by this morally corrupt and mentally sick whacko,
and protect his children or grandchildren from his vile influence. We
must think of the children!
STAGES BOOK SPURNING
This enemy of free speech, one Steve Jobs, can go snuggle up to Gerald
Allen for all that he's worth. Which, at current market value, is single
digits in the realm of computers and dropping - and he's got that far
only because he's propped up by Microsoft money (MS
needs an effigy of competition to tow from one court hearing to the
next). Stick with what yer good at, Steve: peddling generic looking
plastic pop music wafers with all of the sound quality we've come to
expect from tinny AM transistor radios. The U2 iPod is Steve's most
stylish of the bunch - which isn't saying much - yet even Bono is sleeping
over at Bill's house.
LESS AIR POLLUTION NATIONWIDE
So if the U.S. isn't responsible for all of the allegedly human created
global warming, who is?
On a related
note, the state with the strictest pollution laws, California, remains
the most polluted. Decades ago when many of these California laws were
enacted, it was said that the legislation was based on very bad science
(i.e., no science at all). I wonder, in
retrospect, if there could be something to that? Ah well, better keep
those oxygenated MTBEs in the fuel just in case!
ROARS INTO STORES
Still more Associated Press fluff trying to pass itself off as investigative
reporting. In this case, its actually a blatant advertisement with no
news value at all.
On an interesting
side note, Microsoft actually chose to run this story as well at MSNBC.
Gotta keep up the appearance of Microsoft NOT being a monopoly!
ADOPT FROZEN EMBRYOS, SAVE THEM FROM SCIENCE
Argh! Those accursed mad scientists! They planned to transform the poor
frozen embryos into genetically modified Rock-'Em Sock-'Em embryos!
(It's a Rueters story, but they've mysteriously
removed it from their website. Yahoo has done the same.)
FINDS BEST PRESERVED 26TH DYNASTY EGYPT MUMMY
This year's Best Preserved winner will receive $50,000 in cash, a brand
new Hummer, and a weekend stay for two at the fabulous Hilton Tahiti!
(Another Rueters story, but they've mysteriously
removed it from their website.)
MAY BE FINAL FRONTIER FOR CHINESE TOURISTS
After that, they go back into the bottles.
(Still another Rueters story, but again, they've
mysteriously removed it from their website. They really suck at archiving!)
CULLED FROM THE BOWELS OF:
OF REAL EXTREMISTS AND THEIR REASONS
of the #1 False Prophet of the world, Hal Lindsey! He's had so many
of his prophecies crap out that now he only prophecizes about
things that will happen long after he's dead and doesn't have to humiliate
himself anymore. and he STILL has his followers!
is neither racist or sexist, but he is a Christian man who feels that
he is witnessing a great evil: Human Abortion.
This is the site that provides a HIT LIST for would be murderers
of Abortion Clinic Doctors. Think this site is totally evil? You may
be right. But now you have the opportunity to form your own opinion
instead of just having it spoon-fed to you.
Jackson used to look black, but thanks to numerous surgeries, he's white
(and possibly female). David Duke (now
living in France) used to look Jewish, but thanks to numerous
surgeries, HE's white! Read what new tricks this former KKK Wizard,
(and still pal of former klansman, Sen. Robert Byrd [D]),
with his poofy little doggie, is up to. The way he gushes over us white
folk is enough to make me blush!
prissy and effeminate hate monger - only he don't like my kind! In the
interest of equal time I did my damndest to find a site by Louie, but
no cigar. Here is the only thing I could find. Louie in his own words.
a movie about his trials and tribulations in promoting his book, DOWNSIZE
THIS. The film, THE BIG ONE, was hailed by critics, but since it trashed
liberal businesses (like Nike) and the Clinton administration, it was crushed by the distributor,
Miramax, which only released it to 33 theaters (according
to the imdb.com).
Since then, to insure good distribution, Michael's curtailed both his freedom of speech and thought,
making only movies frothing with liberalism and fanatically bashing everything
else! Check out Michael Moore in his own words, but better save those
webpages. He tends to erase his contradictions often.