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So shifty it needs its own separate article: Read the story behind the curious and unsupported "facts" as presented by the anti-drug U.S. government site, Media Campaign
Feo let's them hang by their own non-hemp rope in
TEEN POT USE

 


IN THE NEWS

REAL HEADLINES - LAMPOON NEWS
All news links open in separate browser windows

MAY 27 , 2005

ABC NEWS

REHABILITATED DOLPHINS RELEASED IN FLA.
The sad fact is, 3 out of every five rehabilitated dolphins return to crime
in the first year.

'STRANGER THAN STRANGE' DINOSAUR FOUND IN UTAH
It talks but it won't talk to us. Yet apparently it's talking to someone on its cell phone. This despite the fact that it couldn't possibly have any money to afford a carrier service! Pretty freaking strange!

NEWFOUND DINOSAUR A TRANSITIONAL CREATURE
It used to be liberal but now considers itself a libertarian.

NEW COMPUTERS MAKE SHOPPING CARTS SMARTER
I gotta ask: Smarter than what?

 

MSNBC

NEW GROCERY CARTS ARE ONLY SO SMART
Microsoft/NBC's take on the same story. Better - if oddly arrogant - headline and a reason not to let those grocery carts get uppity with you. One possible reason for the arrogance? The cart computers don't use
Microsoft! So they are only, you know, "so" smart.

NEWFOUND DINOSAUR CAUGHT IN EVOLUTION ACT
Dinosaur won't talk to anyone but his lawyer claims irreperable humiliation
and suffering.

 

NEW SCIENTIST

MODIFIED MICE ENJOY ONE-FIFTH MORE LIFE
While still retaining their 100% dissection rate.

CLEARING SMOG HAS LED TO 'GLOBAL BRIGHTENING'
Environmental extremists, never too bright a group to begin with, are really going to beg their leaders for an opinion after this one. Actual Climate Scientists (not a group of 2,500 "scientists" - many of them homeopaths and iridologists) ably demonstrate how, when there is less particulate air pollution blocking and reflecting back the sunlight from earth, then naturally, MORE sunlight reaches the earth's surface. And when the skies are clearer and less polluted, more of the sun's radiation hits the surface. And when more of the sun's radiating heat hits the surface of the earth, then the earth gets warmer. And when the globe gets warmer, then we have global
warming. Capiche?

Wealthy Rule-Of-Law capitalist countries like the U.S., Australia/Asia, Japan, and now China, are wealthy enough to clean up their own environment.

Overly corrupt governments with little to no capitalism or rule of law, like what is largely found in South Asia and Africa, create more pollution because the ruling dictators don't care. And their pollution covers the world no matter what kind of accord or treaty the wealthier, less corrupt nations do.

Get it?

Sadly, a few of you won't. Happily, most of my visitors seem pretty smart!

 

CNN.COM

STUDENTS' MUFFIN HEADED FOR SPACE
Boyfriends' weiner will follow.

 

APRIL 29, 2005

ANANOVA.COM

X-RAY VISION GIRL AMAZES SCIENTIST
Yeah, she amazes a really gullible scientist!

'TIME TO MOVE ON FROM THE IRAQ ISSUE'
"Blair is a liar about the Iraq WMD thing!" said conservative leader, Michael Howard. Now that the latest report shows evidence to the contrary: "He's not a liar? Ah. Well ... um ... You know, it's time to move on from the Iraq issue anyway. Ahem."

 

FOXNEWS.COM

CALIFORNIA'S BOGUS BABY BOTTLE SCARE
Is utterly without merit! Baby bottles are real and not bogus. On the other hand, Rubber baby buggy bumpers be bogus.

GERMAN SCIENTISTS PROBE EXPLODING TOADS
Probe, poke, probe, KA-BOOM!
"Hmmm."
Poke, probe, poke, KA-BOOM!
"Hmmm ... testy little bastards."
Actually, this is probably a headline which needs no joke!

 

ABCNEWS.COM


DOCTORS REMOVE MAGGOTS FROM MAN'S EAR
Things to do in Thailand when you just want to say, "Phuket!"

 

CBSNEWS.COM

GOP PUSHES BUSH SS BAN
Aaah! Eeek! Bush is a Nazi! Bush is a Nazi! He's exactly, precisely like Adolph Hitler! He's putting people into gas chambers! He's killing millions and millions of people (no wait, Greenpeace did that by helping to ban DDT)! He rules entire countries! he's taking over entire continents! He has banned books (no wait, Steve Jobs does that). He's imprisoning people because of their race and/or religion! Speaking against Bush is punishable by arrest, torture, and death (like in Cuba with Fidel)!

Oh wait! Sorry! False alarm there. Turns out that CBS only meant Social Security by saying SS - Not the Nazi Secret Police. Never mind, my bad self. What was I thinking?

DOG'S VASECTOMY REVERSED
Well thank Dog!

FAT AT 40? DEMENTIA MAY FOLLOW
I can't help it! I'm just crazy about bbq chicken & pork ribs! At least I'll forget how fat I am.

Actually, this study was limited to 10,000 Californians over a period of 30 years. So I gotta wonder, maybe its just living in California that makes you nuts.

BUSH UNVEILS ENERGY PLAN
And guess what the all new energy plan is about? Aw come on, guess! I'll give you a hint: The all new energy plan is exactly like all the other energy plans of the last 100 years! Can't guess? Surprise! It's chiefly about oil! Oil and Nuclear power. Way to mind the family business there, George!
Meanwhile, the self-titled progressive, intellectual opposition, in the unbalanced form of one Senate Democratic leader, Harry Reid, bleerily staggered up to say that Bush's policies were all wrong-headed. THEY'RE WRONG-HEADED! Thanks Harry. What would we do without your cunning perception? When U.S. reporters asked him just what policies would be "right-headed", Senator Reid froze like a deer in the headlights for 10 minutes with his standard slack-jawed expression, then fell asleep.

HA! I'M KIDDING!

U.S. Reporters would NEVER ask a Democrat to come up with a better solution!

ALABAMA BILL TARGETS GAY AUTHORS
Hell, it targets anything homosexual at all! This bit of legislative stupidity is brought to you by Republican Alabama State Representative, Gerald Allen, who originally included non-homosexual works by the likes of William Shakespeare as well as many others. Gerald is on record as saying that banning books does not interfere with free speech. Well thank you, Lenin! Forced to back down from his thinly disguised communist agenda by members of his own party, Gerald has temporarily narrowed his vision to the width of his mind and soul by encompassing only works by homosexual writers, or those books that have homosexual characters in them. Hiding behind the skirts of his own wounded "Christian" morality (He's alarmed by what he sees as "the homsexual agenda", blah, blah), Gerald has specifically targeted a college play about Matthew Shepard, a young man who was beaten to death (the top of his skull was beaten to a level beneath his eyes) by some sexually confused scumbags who trolled gay nightclubs specifically looking for homsexuals to kill, to assauge their wounded morality.

Gerald Allen's morality is not wounded by putting on a play about homophobic homicidal maniacs - nor did he voice "alarm" over said murderer's behavior. No, he's only alarmed over people exposing the crimes of the murderers! Apparently Gerald neither knows or cares about the 10 Commandments or the philosophies of Jesus Christ. His blindness must be due to his own murderous agenda. I hope the voters in Gerry's home state are alarmed by this morally corrupt and mentally sick whacko, and protect his children or grandchildren from his vile influence. We must think of the children!

APPLE STAGES BOOK SPURNING
This enemy of free speech, one Steve Jobs, can go snuggle up to Gerald Allen for all that he's worth. Which, at current market value, is single digits in the realm of computers and dropping - and he's got that far only because he's propped up by Microsoft money (MS needs an effigy of competition to tow from one court hearing to the next). Stick with what yer good at, Steve: peddling generic looking plastic pop music wafers with all of the sound quality we've come to expect from tinny AM transistor radios. The U2 iPod is Steve's most stylish of the bunch - which isn't saying much - yet even Bono is sleeping over at Bill's house.

 

CNN

GROUP: LESS AIR POLLUTION NATIONWIDE
So if the U.S. isn't responsible for all of the allegedly human created global warming, who is?

On a related note, the state with the strictest pollution laws, California, remains the most polluted. Decades ago when many of these California laws were enacted, it was said that the legislation was based on very bad science (i.e., no science at all). I wonder, in retrospect, if there could be something to that? Ah well, better keep those oxygenated MTBEs in the fuel just in case!

'TIGER' ROARS INTO STORES
Still more Associated Press fluff trying to pass itself off as investigative reporting. In this case, its actually a blatant advertisement with no news value at all.

On an interesting side note, Microsoft actually chose to run this story as well at MSNBC. Gotta keep up the appearance of Microsoft NOT being a monopoly!

 

REUTERS

WOMEN ADOPT FROZEN EMBRYOS, SAVE THEM FROM SCIENCE
Argh! Those accursed mad scientists! They planned to transform the poor frozen embryos into genetically modified Rock-'Em Sock-'Em embryos!
(It's a Rueters story, but they've mysteriously removed it from their website. Yahoo has done the same.)

TEAM FINDS BEST PRESERVED 26TH DYNASTY EGYPT MUMMY
This year's Best Preserved winner will receive $50,000 in cash, a brand new Hummer, and a weekend stay for two at the fabulous Hilton Tahiti!
(Another Rueters story, but they've mysteriously removed it from their website.)

SPACE MAY BE FINAL FRONTIER FOR CHINESE TOURISTS
After that, they go back into the bottles.
(Still another Rueters story, but again, they've mysteriously removed it from their website. They really suck at archiving!)

HORRIBLE NEWS ARCHIVES

CREDITS








 


CULLED FROM THE BOWELS OF:
News Resources

ABCNEWS.COM

ANANOVA.COM

BBCNEWS

CBSNEWS.COM

CNN

FOXNEWS.COM

INFOBEAT.COM

myway.com

MSNBC.COM

NEW YORK TIMES

REUTERS

 

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THE HARDCORE
REAL SITES OF REAL EXTREMISTS AND THEIR REASONS

Home site of the #1 False Prophet of the world, Hal Lindsey! He's had so many of his prophecies crap out that now he only prophecizes about things that will happen long after he's dead and doesn't have to humiliate himself anymore. and he STILL has his followers!
HALLINDSEY ORACLE.COM

Neal Horsely is neither racist or sexist, but he is a Christian man who feels that he is witnessing a great evil: Human Abortion.
This is the site that provides a HIT LIST for would be murderers of Abortion Clinic Doctors. Think this site is totally evil? You may be right. But now you have the opportunity to form your own opinion instead of just having it spoon-fed to you.

CHRISTIAN GALLERY.COM

Michael Jackson used to look black, but thanks to numerous surgeries, he's white (and possibly female). David Duke (now living in France) used to look Jewish, but thanks to numerous surgeries, HE's white! Read what new tricks this former KKK Wizard, (and still pal of former klansman, Sen. Robert Byrd [D]), with his poofy little doggie, is up to. The way he gushes over us white folk is enough to make me blush!
DAVID DUKE

Another prissy and effeminate hate monger - only he don't like my kind! In the interest of equal time I did my damndest to find a site by Louie, but no cigar. Here is the only thing I could find. Louie in his own words.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN

He made a movie about his trials and tribulations in promoting his book, DOWNSIZE THIS. The film, THE BIG ONE, was hailed by critics, but since it trashed liberal businesses (like Nike) and the Clinton administration, it was crushed by the distributor, Miramax, which only released it to 33 theaters (according to the imdb.com). Since then, to insure good distribution, Michael's curtailed both his freedom of speech and thought, making only movies frothing with liberalism and fanatically bashing everything else! Check out Michael Moore in his own words, but better save those webpages. He tends to erase his contradictions often.
MICHAEL MOORE

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All images and text belong to E.C.McMullen Jr. unless otherwise noted.
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