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Movies E.C. McMullen Jr. Interview by
E.C.McMullen Jr.
Hellraiser posterHellbound: Hellraiser IITHE HELLRAISER INTERVIEW
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SHOULD YOU?
TIP JAR
SEQUELS
CLIVE BARKER
Cenobites group shot
Left to Right
CENOBITES OF HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II
Butterball: SIMON BAMFORD, Pinhead: DOUG BRADLEY,
Female Cenobite: BARBIE WILDE, Chattering Cenobite: NICHOLAS VINCE

PINHEAD: "YOU HAVE SUMMONED US CHILD!"
ME: "Uh... heh! Wow! Child? Seriously, me? I'm flattered, but anyway -"
PINHEAD: "NO EXCUSES! NOW YOU WILL TASTE OUR PLEASURES!"
FEMALE CENOBITE: "EXPERIENCE OUR PAIN."
CHATTERING CENOBITE: "CHATTER! CHATTER! CHATTER!"
BUTTERBALL CENOBITE: ". . ."
ME: "What excuses?"
PINHEAD: "YOU BEGGED FOR... FOR... HM. NO MATTER! NOW YOU WILL EXPERIENCE TORMENTS BEYOND THE FLESH!"
ME: "And you know, that sounds like a swell time! But first, I summoned you here for an interview!"
PINHEAD: "A WHAT?!?"
ME: "An interview! I want to interview you guys! You know: Big franchise beginning. Series gets slaughtered by the third movie. Off to direct to video, late night TV. Goes the way of Alan Smithee movies and winds up with a remake so awful it -"
PINHEAD: "STOP! ENOUGH OF YOUR CHATTER!"
CHATTERING CENOBITE: "CHATTER! CHAT-!???"
PINHEAD: (sotto voce) "Ahem! Will you please? I'm talking to the human!"
CHATTERING CENOBITE: "CHATTER! CHATTER! CHATTER!"
FEMALE CENOBITE: "ARE YOU TOYING WITH US?"
ME: "No seriously. See the camera? The lights? I want to interview you guys."
PINHEAD: "WE DIDN'T COME TO OBEY YOUR WISHES!"
ME: "Yes you did! I summoned you. You came. Therefore -"
FEMALE CENOBITE: "IT IS THE BOX THAT SUMMONS US, NOT THE FLESH."
PINHEAD: "DAMN IT! IT IS NOT THE BOX I TELL YOU, IT IS THE HANDS!"
FEMALE CENOBITE: "OH RIGHT. NO WAIT! WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME YOU SAID IT WAS THE DESIRE AND NOT THE HANDS?"
PINHEAD: "I . . . HANG ON... (sotto voce) did I?"
FEMALE CENOBITE: "YOU DID. YOU MOST SPECIFICALLY DID."
PINHEAD: "YES. THAT'S RIGHT! THE DESIRE. IT IS THE DESIRE THAT SUMMONS US! ... ahem, not the box or the hands."
ME: "Okay, so it's my box, my hands, and my desire. No matter how you look at it, I summoned and you obeyed!"
FEMALE CENOBITE: "WELL! YOU PLAYED RIGHT INTO THAT, DIDN'T YOU?"
PINHEAD: (turns to Female Cenobite) "LOOK, DAMN IT! DO YOU REALLY. . . (sotto voce) Do you really think this is the time? Now?"
BUTTERBALL CENOBITE: " . . . "
PINHEAD: "OH, SHUT UP!"
BUTTERBALL CENOBITE: " ? "
PINHEAD: "I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE THINKING!"
CHATTERING CENOBITE: "CHATTER! CHATTER! CHATTER!"
PINHEAD: "YOU CAN FUCK OFF TOO!"
CHATTERING CENOBITE: "CHATTER?"
PINHEAD: "YES GODDAMN IT! I MEAN YOU THIS TIME!"
CHATTERING CENOBITE: (sullen) "Click. Clickety. Click."
FEMALE CENOBITE: "WONDERFUL. YOU'VE REALLY THROWN YOUR PINS EVERYWHERE BUT AT THE TARGET."
PINHEAD: "THEY'RE NAILS, GOD DAMN IT! AND ONE MORE FUCKING WORD - !"
ME: "About the interview?"
PINHEAD: "WHAT?!?"
ME: "I have refreshments - "
PINHEAD: "I'LL REFRESH YOUR CHEST WITH A NEW HEART, YOU - !"
FEMALE CENOBITE: "REFRESHMENTS REALLY? THAT'S RATHER NICE, ACTUALLY."
PINHEAD: "NICE?!? DID YOU JUST UTTER. . . N-NICE?!?"
ME: "See the craft services table, just past the lights?"
FEMALE CENOBITE: (at the table)
"OH MY! LOOK AT THE TEACUPS! BONE CHINA WITH ... Oh! LITTLE PAINTINGS OF PEOPLE AT A PICNIC!"
ME: "Yep! Tea, milk, scones, crumpets: American version I know, but still pretty tasty."

BUTTERBALL CENOBITE: " ! ! ! "
FEMALE CENOBITE: "WHAT A MARVELOUS SPREAD!"
ME: "Thanks! There's a whole table of finger food ( sly wink, elbow & grin at Pinhead ), basically a ton of hor d'oeuvres."
CHATTERING CENOBITE: (at the table) "CHATTER! CHAT-MUNCH! NOM! NOM!"
PINHEAD: (staring me down for one cold moment. Finally) "What Kind Of . . . Tea?"

Pinhead
End Skull
END

This interview copyright 2013 E.C.McMullen Jr.

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