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THE
LORD OF THE RINGS: The Return of the King
New Line Cinema
Rated:
USA: PG-13
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The attention
span of the average person (depending on how much
TV they watch) can barely manage most normal length flicks. So
when you ask someone to watch a three hour and twenty-two minute movie,
their reaction is very predictable. They say, "That better
be a damn good movie."
THE
LORD OF THE RINGS: The Return of the King
is the final installment of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, based on the
novels by J.R.R. Tolkein. As with the first two (THE
LORD OF THE RINGS: The Fellowship of the Ring and THE
LORD OF THE RINGS: The Two Towers) the director is Peter Jackson (BAD
TASTE, DEAD ALIVE, MEET THE FEEBLES, THE
FRIGHTENERS) and the screenwriters are Mr. Jackson, Fran Walsh
(BRAIN DAMAGE/DEAD ALIVE, THE
FRIGHTENERS) and Philippa Boyens.
OH BOO!
HOO! HOO! 3 FREAKING MOVIES AND ALL SHE DOES IS CRY. SHEESH! |
Let me start
with full disclosure: I'm a big fan of the novels and I know the
story backwards and forwards. I'm telling you this because I want
you to know why I'm not really sure how someone who hadn't read
the books OR seen the first two movies would react to this one.
They might be completely lost or they might be able to catch on to enough
of the storyline to follow along. I'm guessing the former but it's
hard for me to say because I can't see it from that point of view.
The movie
opens with a flashback. Gollum (the best digitally
animated movie character ever, voiced by Andy Serkis: DEATHWATCH)
is a twisted creature but in the flashback we see him back when he was
still human (actually, a hobbit). His name
was Smeagol then and we see how he first acquired his "precious",
the One Ring that everyone is so excited about.
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NOW
THIS IS A WOMAN! YEE-HAW! IT'S TIME TO KICK ORC-ASS!
UM... BUT DID THEY REALLY HAVE DENTAL FILLINGS BACK THEN?
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Cut to Frodo
(Elijah Wood: THE GOOD SON, THE
FACULTY) and Sam (Sean Astin: THE WILLIES),
with Gollum as their guide, foolishly carrying the One Ring to Mount Doom,
the volcano where the ring was made and the only place it can be destroyed.
Mount Doom lies deep in the heart of Mordor, land of Sauron, an evil demon
who needs the ring to regain his full power. If all that is geekspeak
to you then you didn't see the first two movies.
IT'S YOUR
LIFE, OF COURSE BUT, IF I WAS CHOOSING BETWEEN A FIESTY WOMAN AND
A SAD SACK... |
The Ring
is a great evil and it corrupts all who come near. Frodo has been able
to handle this heavy burden so far but the strain is showing. Gollum,
on the other hand, long ago devoted his very soul to the Ring and plots
to get it back. Sam is sort of Frodo's servant (he
still calls him Mr. Frodo) but the friendship between Sam and Frodo
is the kind that only comes from shared adversity.
Meanwhile,
in another part of Middle-Earth, the rest of the Fellowship is trying
to put together a large enough army to defend the city of Minas Tirith
(capital of the Kingdom of Gondor) from Sauron's
army. As the nearby Kingdom of Rohan learned in the last movie, Sauron's
troops do not intend conquest. Their objective is to enslave and
exterminate all the races of the world.
Gandalf
the wizard (Ian McKellan: APT
PUPIL, X-MEN,
X-MEN 2), Aragorn (Viggo
Mortensen: THE PROPHECY), Legolas the Elf (Orlando
Bloom: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN:
The Curse of the Black Pearl), Gimli the dwarf (John
Rhys-Davies: RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK) and the hobbits Merry (Dominic
Monaghan) and Pippin (Billy Boyd)
are all working toward bringing together all the forces they can to meet
at Minas Tirith. Gandalf himself goes to the city to deliver some bad
news to Denethor (John Noble: THE DREAMING, THE
MONKEY'S MASK), the Steward of Gondor (the
line of Kings is thought to have died out and Gondor has been ruled by
a Steward for generations). First he must tell the Steward that
his son Boromir is dead (killed in the first movie
while defending the hobbits from orcs). Second, that a huge orc
army is on its way to burn Minas Tirith to the ground. And third, that
Aragorn is actually a true descendent of the royal family and therefore
the rightful King of Gondor.
In other
words, "Your son is dead, your city is doomed and by the way, you're
fired." A bad day for Denethor, who does not take it very well. Actor
John Noble does a great job as Denethor, showing us a man in retreat from
a reality that has betrayed him.
THIS AIN'T
EVEN HALF THE BATTLE! |
Speaking
of great, THE
LORD OF THE RINGS: The Return of the King
is a spectacular movie. Easily the best of the trilogy, it moves like
lightning, bringing us to the most awesome battle on film. The siege of
Minas Tirith feels very real and the things you will see will astound
you. I spent much of those three hours and twenty-two minutes on the edge
of my seat in spite of knowing exactly what was going to happen. Think
how good the movie has to be for that to happen.
The battle
is amazing but it is just part of a much bigger story. Even if the good
guys manage to hold off this attack, Sauron will just send another and
another. The war won’t end until Sauron's power is destroyed
so it’s really all up to Frodo, Sam and the sometimes helpful, sometimes
traitorous Gollum. Many terrible things are between them and Mount Doom
(do spiders bother you?*
Mwah ha ha ha!) and the terrible beating they take, both emotionally
and spiritually, is devastating to watch. It will also probably lead to
a best supporting actor nomination for Sean Astin as Sam.
I won't
do a science moment here, of course, since this is High Fantasy, but I
will argue a technical point with some other reviewers, who have quibbled
about how active a role Gandalf takes in the action, being an old man
and all. I just want to point out that he's a freakin’ wizard!
It's called magic. And if you want to get really Tolkein technical,
Gandalf isn't human. He's an incarnation of a spirit from the
Elvish pantheon. Basically, a demi-god or archangel. So there.
THE
LORD OF THE RINGS: The Return of the King
gets five shriek girls.
This
review copyright 2003 E.C.McMullen Jr.
Return to Movies
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*
They bother Director / Co-writer Peter Jackson: He's arachnophobic. |
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