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Hey!

Micheal C. Williams (Mike the sound guy) from THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT was on Connan last night.

OH MY GOD! MICHAEL'S ALIVE! That must mean HE did it!

Yeesssss. It all makes sense now . . .

I watched David Letterman instead. HE had the house from THE HAUNTING.

Yeah, that guy. Connan asked him if it was true he was still working as a furniture mover. He said, "Yes, but I have an announcement to make."

He turned to the camera. "To everybody down at Fred's Furniture, thanks for the good times, the bad back and the bad knees but I QUIT!"

Instead of what?

HA! That's great!

The filmakers, I hear, as part of their deal, also get to share 10% of the action from the gross of the film. It is figured that it will come out to about $15 mill. EACH!

Connan with two n's? Hmmm

Yeah, I heard about that.

You said: " I watched David Letterman instead." Instead of what?

Ahh, but of course.

Andy Richter, Connan side kick, is leaving soon. I like that show.

I wish! Not even wet blouse nipple!

Lots of special effects, but not SCARY special effects

Sold out again last night. The movie must be doing phenomenal. Sold out shows on Monday and Tuesday are unheard of!

That's why I settled for THE HAUNTING.

I shouldn't have settled.

Lots of scenes where the creature or creatures reach out to grab someone, and they keep reaching and the person stares on, paralyzed with (presumed) fear. Then the rescuer comes rushing up and grabs the intended victim out of harm's way while the fingers of the ghost just sort of flex and make Boo! motions (I'm gonna getcha!)

Then, as both rescuer and intended victim run away, the hands, creature, or whatever, follow after them, somehow always missing.

It's like the ghost is doing the old 3 Stooges bit:
"Hold me back, I say! HOLD me back! Well? Isn't anybody going to hold me back?"

This happens plenty of times throughout the pic.

George Lucas, from an interview in a British magazine, talking about The Phantom Menace:

"I'm not that passionate about this story. I like it, it's fun and I enjoy doing it. But it's definitely not my life. I'm a bigger movie fan than I am a Star Wars fan. I like making movies."

This IS the same guy that announced about The Phantom Menace:
"Finally, I've been able to make a STAR WARS movie exactly the way I wanted to make it."

For a guy whose gaming company releases about 4 new STAR WARS games every year for the past 10 years, I find this hard to believe about the passion thing.

Maybe he meant to say:
"I'm not passionate about this Howard The Duck thing."

3 would have to be very dark. By the storyline of the first movie, the dark side must have won. There are no more Jedi Knights.

So what was episode one? A Teletubbies adventure?

Meesa Jar Jar Binks! Whosa youssa?

Meesa youssa assassin!

Episode II
Scene I
Act I
Ext. - Day. Jar Jar falls off a cliff and dies.

Pootchie - I mean Jar Jar - is dead! Hyuh Hyuh Huyh!

I've seen part of the preliminary script for Star Wars II: The Clone Wars.
Samuel Jackson has been fought to a stand still by the Imperial Guard, but thwarts their victory through his use of the Force.

Willing to call a truce, the guard leader asks what the Jedi Master needs to go peacefully.

"Give me back my lightsaber that you got in that bag."

Which lightsaber is it?

"The one that says 'One Bad Motherfucker.'"

They give it back to him and he says, "Now I'm going to go walk Dantoonie."

Walk Dantoonie? they ask.

"Yeah, you know, like Kane."

Kane walked the Earth. They say.

The Jedi Master looks at them for one cold moment, then says, "Fuck you."

Except it's "Dantooine"

DAN - too - een

It's an Arizona license. A one time fee

Like worming.

Met the fattest guy I've ever seen in real life at the theater last night. Fucker was big as a planet. He said his name was Jupiter.

I said "My God!" and he laughed and laughed!
A really jovial guy!

Was it a fast response? Was his answer brief?

Or did he use flowery words?

I met Mars, the God of War, and asked him his sign. He was an Aries.

Something from Venus would not be "Venusian". The correct term is "Venerial", or so Aphrodite told me.

I embarrassed Mars once! BOY was HE red! He picked a fight with me but I dusted him off and cooled his jets with an ice cap!

He was a good guy though. Sure loved to fight! We called him Rocky!

He had muscles like mountains. Biggest you ever saw! Much larger than the ones on earth!

His son was a very heavy kid. Real sense of gravity around that one.

I met his wife Venus, talk about your acid tongue! Yet she always seemed to be in a fog! Her eyes were always clouded over. I figured she just needed to let off steam, being so close to her son and all.

Anywho!

Blackie Lawless of the band WASP is back on his cocaine addiction and seems very happy about it.

"I never sounded better!" he says. "When I wasn't doing coke the band went to shit! Now we are back where we are supposed to be!"

This is true, I'm not making a joke. Must be nice to love your vices so deeply.

Apparently she was in and out of rehab quite a bit.

Not long. About two years, I think. The autopsy was inconclusive. they're doing more tests.

Damn! Didn't turn up a thing! Well . . .
<BUZZAHHHHHAHHHHZHZHZHZH>
Let's cut 'er open again!

"Can't we just remove the stitches?"

Sure, but that's time consuming!
<BUZAZAZAZAZZZZZ>
(yelling) AND NOT AS MUCH FUN!

HeyBartyawannaseemynewHockeyMaskandChainsaw?

Oh, tsk, tsk. What AM I thinking?

There was nothing, no give aways, no clues that you could go back to and say: Ah! So THAT explains his behavior in scene X. Just Poof! Oh, HE is the Russian Mole!

Why, he is even Russian to boot! What a lot of trouble they must have gone through to give him a family, town, school, and friends to have grown up with for his cover!

It would have made much more sense if he was an American betraying his country to the Russians, but to be Russian himself and have such high security clearance?

Still, the best mysteries are the ones that drop clues along the way that you don't put together until the end, and then you think, "Ah HA! Now I see!" Like Sherlock Holmes as opposed to Miss Marple where the real killer is brought into the story in the last chapter.

Like FRIDAY THE 13th, where we never see the mother until the last 2 minutes of the movie.

I'm the cool guy.

So Gene and I disagree on HeMan. Coming up next, the movie that saved George Clooney's career after the embarrassment of Batman 4, FROM DUSK TILL DAWN.

Thanks Gene. You couldn't have died soon enough for me.

Now a genuinely good movie is up next: THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. What it lacks in outright horror it more than makes up for in unsettling creepiness.

Peter Travers of Rollingstone magazine said this movie will: "Scare the hell out of you."

But Travers is a muck-headed idiot who is liable to say any damn thing. The movie is good, but lets not get carried away. Gene?

Thanks Roger. I await your arrival in Hell. And speaking of hell, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT is a hellishly intense thriller, building upon the reality feel it gets from the hand held video that makes up the bulk of the film. Definite thumbs up.

By the way Roger, have any of the critics you tried out as my replacement actually given you a rim job, or did it just seem that way because they were kissing your fat ass so much? Yeah, the public's gonna tune in every week to see two guys who always agree. Good plan you raisinette-chewing bastard.

Good movie but dizzingly bad camera work: which will no doubt be mass imitated by less talented filmakers who fail to understand the actual storytelling ability that makes up and delivers this movie above the dross of most low budget films. So THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT gets two thumbs up from both Gene and myself. The mass has ended, go forth in peace and get the hell out of our balcony.

Actually, Roger has disagreed with many of his guest critics. I remember one show where Roger was just nuts for Spike Lee's: Summer of Sam and his guest thought it was Spike's worst movie ever.

Really? Good. I haven't seen them all, but they mostly seemed pretty wimpy. Like "can't blow this opportunity! Must agree with Roger!".

I hope he is looking for someone he won't get along with.

Hard to tell in that situation. Could be damned either way.

"So! Roger finally found a clone for Gene! How phony! They are purposefully disagreeing with each other."

I'm just saying that Roger would be damned by some either way.

If he hires someone whose views are too much like his, he's screwed, if he finds someone whose views are too different from his, he's screwed. It's damn hard to invent the kind of chemistry that Gene and Roger had.