THIS KNIFE SHOULD DO THE TRICK
This week, we feature the king of Halloween fruits. Whether you like eating pumpkins, making jack-o-lanterns, or smashing them, it's that time of year to practice your pumpkin carving skills. PRESENTING!: The Tao of finding your True Inner Pumpkin Personality! These links should speed you on your journey.
First of all, be proud of your pumpkin
Then take a knife to it!
Or switch the words around and get
Once you've eviscerated your pumpkin friend, enlighten it! By putting a light in it's freaking head
Get those pumpkins drunk and put them on the Adam Carolla show!
Ah young pumpkin grasshopper, you must learn from the
But what the hell do they know? These folks are the PBS arteests of pumpkin carvers
Screw them! You don't need some pumpkin dot com name. For you are the world's recognized master of all that is pumpkin!
Because, by golly, Pumpkin time is the best time!
Martha Stewart loves nooks in her kitchen, so Martha would probably love
Yeah, Martha is great, but she's no
Eventually, you will say "pumpkin" so many times, it will start to seem pornographic. Or maybe that's just me. Or maybe its because of all of those
Ha! My pumpkin is bigger than your pumpkin
Did everybody take all the cool pumpkin names? Don't let that stop you from casting your faux pumpkin pearls
(Note the screaming nerd Funkin with a flame beneath his package)
Eventually, of course, you will get so sick of pumpkins that you will become the Anti-Pumpkin
And when that happens, you will become a menace to pumpkin society
Which, sadly, can only lead to
E.C.McMullen Jr. article first posted on April 10, 2007